Q: What do a dead cat and a flower have in common. A: Nothing, just go away.

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"Honey im home!" but his honey was dead on the floor along with his 3 kids.

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roses are red violets are blue porn hub is down your mums facebook will do

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Why did the boy drop the ice cream? Because he had a seizure.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Not again!"

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An Asian man and an Irish man are standing at the bus stop, chatting casually, while waiting for the bus to arrive. The Irish man then turns to the Asian and says, "Despite our blatant differences in both race and culture, perhaps someday when we are both available, we can meet and talk civilly about our everyday lives over a cup of coffee."

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A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'" Then the mother, realizing how her son could later become confused, clarified. She said, "You can say you have to pee as long as you say it in a quiet voice." The boy understood. There were no problems afterwards.

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My mother has chlamydia. That's it.

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You come home and find your family dead. What do you do? Take a picture, post it on facebook

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she has no arms.

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Q : What did the construction worker get for christmas? A: Nothing a building fell on him 3 days earlier

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I told my wife she was like a fine wine She asked if it was because she improves with age. I told her yes All was well.

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So when I came home from work the other day, I saw tha my dog was foaming at the moth, so I took him to the vet It turns out that my dog didn't have a thing for marshmallows but had rabies instead and was promptly put down.

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Republicans

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well, neither has he.

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How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

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What's the difference between a pizza and a jew. One's a tasty delicious snack and the other one's a pizza.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police. Dave then complied, opened the door and let the police search his house. He was then found innocent of drug related charges.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

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canadians

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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What's the square root of everything. F**K LOGIC

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anti jokes are like chickens. they arent funny at all. which makes them funny...

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How do you make a puppy stop barking? Throw a brick at it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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