Two twins are born only a minute apart. There is a mistake at the hospital and they are seperated. Years later they reconnect on Oprah and realize they do not have much in common.

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Why is Helen Keller Blind and Deaf? Because she can't drive!... oh no wait I screwed that up.

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An old man walks into a bar. He drinks 3 beers and dies. The bartender calls paramedics but when the police came they arrested the bartender for beating his wife. A few hours later an earthquake destroys the bar and everyone was evacuated and many were injured. The manager was driving to the scene but has a car accident with the ambulance. It was such a bad day.

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What did the brown guy say to the black person when he got fired? Nothing, did you think this was going to be racist or something?!

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A man comes home after a long days work. It is late at night and he gets in bed with his wife who is already asleep. Later that night he gets up for a glass of water and returns to the bed room to see that his wife doesn't appear to be breathing and calls 911. He then realizes that this isn't his house and he leaves.

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what the difference between Obama and osama bin laden nothing

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Where did Susie go during the explosion? On her knees to catch it.

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What does an unemployed black man and a mexican have in common? They both like to shop at forman mills because they have reasonably priced clothing items.

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There is a high speed police pursuit when suddenly the suspect's car skids and crashes into a field. Two cows witness the commotion, when one turns to the other and says "Moo".

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What happens when you wake a sleepwalker? Waking sleepwalkers does not harm them. While it is true that a person may be confused or disoriented for a short time after awakening, this does not cause them further harm. In contrast, sleepwalkers may injure themselves if they trip over objects or lose their balance while sleepwalking. Such injuries are common among sleepwalkers.

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why was the boy sad because he had a cat stapled to his face

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What do Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder have in common? They are both blind.

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Knock knock Who's there? Your brother My brother who? The dead guy over there.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm gonna f*ck you with a rake.

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what do Jewish people and pizzas have in common? they enjoy parties

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How did the lawyer survive the airplane crash? He didn't.

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knock knock whos there? knock knock whos there knock knock you final decide to open the door to find a deaf man needing directions.

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A black man, a mexican, and a muslim all jump off a building. Who hit the ground first? Who cares!

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A turtle that couldn't swim walked to Japan.

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What do you say when someone attempts to steal your cheese? Give me my cheese!!!

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What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven? One is a human being and the other is a resourceful appliance.

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What did the man say to the duck? Nothing ducks don't talk.

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Jesus can walko water Humans are 70% water I can walk on humans Therefore i am 70% Jesus

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Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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