What kind of condoms do cows use? None.

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I AM DEAD, FUCKING, SERIOUS! NOW GET OVER HERE MOMMY I WANT TO... ...Thats pretty disgusting, I was born a man, maybe an infant man, but a man regardless. So how about you stop showcasing me to people here and we just take off? I mean I am dead tired and sleepy, I would say good night, but its day here now so yeah.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My name's Dave, Microwave!

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All the other dinosaurs were laughing and teasing the tyrannosaurus because of his tiny arms. They left and the T.rex was sobbing uncontrollably next to a giant fern. "What's the matter little fellow?" said Jesus. The crying dinosaur looked down and said "I That's the end of my stupid puppet show, cuz I couldn't think of anything a blubbering dinosaur would say to our Lord and saviour.

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What do you get when you mix 5 bottles of beer, a bottle of vodka, 3 glasses of red wine, and 15 jello shots? Alcohol poisoning.

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Q: Do these jeans make me look fat? A: No your fat makes you look fat.

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why didn't the chicken cross the road. Because it was hit by a truck.

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How many pencils does it take to get an A on a test? Actually it takes knowledge.

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Feeling that your friends do not listen to your insightful conversations? BUY A PARROT! Teach it to say "Uhuh", and "Ahah", and "Dats coo!" NOW YOU CAN BE COMPLETELY APRECIATED BY A FUCKING BIRD THAT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING... ...BUT IS IT... APPRECIATING IT? DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! MYSTERY!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Sorry, what? your door is kind of thick.

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An irish man stumbles out of a bar.

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Ask me if im a tree? No

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a woman votes!

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What do you get when you cross George Bush and Barack Obama? Presidents.

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How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am disabled, so please help me poo.

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A man was late for work, he came to a stop for his third red light. He stopped and waited for the red light to turn green then continued on his way to work.

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Q: How do you make a clown stop laughing? A: Hit it in the face with an axe

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Q. What roles did girls play in the Gold Rush of 1849? A. Miners.

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What did the surgeon say to the patient? Nothing. The patient died on the table.

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Some black guy grabs a white guys wallet. the black guy says " hey I think you dropped this"

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Why did the Asian man go to bed? Because he was tired

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I am reading the Terms of Service, however I don't fully agree with it's contents.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops