Doctor: I got bad news and worse news Patient: Whats the bad news? Doctor: You have 24 hours to live Patient: Whats the worse news? Doctor: Your mom died this morning

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Dear God, That wasn't cool. Seriously. From, Japan

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What is the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari. There isn't a Ferrari in my garage.

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Lady wanna go out sometime? Im not lesbian girl! Im not a girl... OUCHIE!

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Q: What would George Washington do if he were alive today? A: Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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What do you call the CEO of a successful company? Rich.

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HI MY NAME IS DOUG

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because Osama Bin Laden is dead.

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Mary had a big white van, a big white van, a big white van, Mary had a big white van, where did my friend go? (sing the song)

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What did the man say to the teacup? Nothing. He was drunk and on the floor.

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Why don't men want to marry virgins? They are wary of women who are inexperienced and who they may be sexually incompatible with.

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Is it possible to mix an answer to a question with another? No. Aids are perfect for fear training.

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Knock knock.* Who is it? The police. We have news that your daughter was molested and will never been seen again for the man who stole her has takin' her out of our jurisdiction.

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Q: Why did the kid drop his icecream cone? A: Because he couldn't hold it he lost his arms in a car accident.

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An Englishman, Irishman, and Jew walk into a bar. Steven Spielberg is a Jew.

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Whats worse than finding a repeated joke in anti-joke? The Holocaust.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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Why do we learn about the Civil Rights Movement in History class? So it won't happen again.

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your moms soooooo FAT that she went on a diet and became really sexy

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you: knock knock person: who's there you: interrupting cow person: interrupting cow you:MOOOOOOOOO

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A man finds a mysterious lamp on the side of the road. He picks it up, rubs it, and sells the lamp at a pawn shop for $10,000. The man paid off his credit card debt and was happy that he did not have to file for bankruptcy.

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Roses are red violets are blue..... I have normal vision

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Leading a hike.. Kid falls off a cliff and dies. Who cleans him up? Bear.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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