What is long and hard that a bride gets on her wedding night? An erect penis.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse, incapable of understanding the human language promptly shits on the floor then leaves.

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A priest, a rabbi and a proctologist walk into a bar. Why is there a bar lying in the middle of the sidewalk?

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What did the man get when he returned from Africa? AIDS

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A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't

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how did the jewish man die He had a fatal hard attack

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A man keeping specific track of time,eagerly waits for a punch line.

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roses are red carnations are white dont go to bed or ill f**k your friend dwite

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What would Jesus do? Something worthy of having him nailed to a cross.

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What did the cat say when you rub it's stomach? Nothing because felines don't have the needed vocal organs to speak, and probaly wouldn't know english do to the size of there brain.

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Why was the Jewish man sad? His wife was brutally murdered, His chilren raped, Parents stabbed horrifically and stuffed with turtles and the doctor just informed him that he had cancer and was due to die 17 minutes ago.

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What did the pillow say to the dragon? Nothing, because pillows don't talk, dragons aren't real and this is a highly improbable circumstance.

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What is another way to call a procrastinator? Avery annoyed and bored child who does not want to do her homework and is looking up many different anti-jokes for a laugh. You know who you are...

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Who killed the ears of every human being? -Rebecca Black

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What's better than winning the paraplegic Olympics? Walking.

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Are you Drew?

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A Polish man is walking down the street carrying a brown paper bag. He runs into one of his buddies, who asks, "Hey! What's in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The man replies, "I'm sorry, my friend, but gambling is against my morals, especially when my family's only nutrition for the week is on the line."

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Why can't Johnny run? He has no legs.

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Roses Are Red I Have A Phone Nobody Txts Me Forever Alone

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Jimmy said he would never beat his wife, so why did he do it anyway? Because he was a hypocrite.

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A straight A star quarterback in his senior year of high school was about to throw the game winning pass in his season's last game and complete the school's undefeated record when he was sacked by a defender. He fell incorrectly and broke both of his legs, rendering all of his scholarships invalid. He hasn't walked since.

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Why did the cop pull over the car full of black people? Because, they were going 65 in a 35 mile per hour speed limit zone, Which is against the law.

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A middle-aged white woman is walking toward a building, talking on her cellphone to a friend. She says, "Yes, I can meet you for lunch in a few hours. I have to go to the unemployment office to sign up for benefits. It's going to be horrible. It'll probably be full of black people." Standing in line, she is incredibly uncomfortable and horrified, because there is a black man right behind her, and she is stuck standing next to him for a long time. Finally it's her turn, and she steps up to the counter. The clerk asks her, "And what did you do for a living?" She answers, "I mopped the floors and cleaned the bathroom in a Blockbuster store that closed down." The clerk says, "Fill out this paperwork and take it to window #2." As she turns around, she is once more repulsed by the black man who is standing right there. Now that it's his turn, he steps to the counter, and the clerk asks him, "And what did you do for a living?" He answers, "I was the senior vice president of global strategic development for Eastman Kodak."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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