How do you get a one armed Pollack out of a tree? Hold his family at gunpoint.

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I`m not as random as you think i`m salad.

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What did the lawyer say to a lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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I came home from my doctor`s appointment today, I told my sister that I was diagnosed with The Super rare "Spontaneous Erections Syndrome" (S.E.S) a very rare disease that can seriously impair the victims life in general, especially the social life, as symptoms may show themselves even among friends, pets, grandmas, enemies, and even close family! She told me that everybody knows I a just a kinky pervert with bulge so big it scared girls away instead of attracting them. Excuse me, what the hell is patient confidentiality good for if my doctor is going to call my sister and tell her everything she said to me afterwards?!

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Knock knock whos there? I have no anus

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What do u call two mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan!

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know whats funnier than 24? 25.

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A black man walks into a bar and is proptly told to leave. He proceeds to sue the bar owner, then buys the bar and turns it into a community center that helps at risk children.

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Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? He was severely depressed.

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Why didn't the teen girl get to her appointment? A) She woke up late.

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How much does a polar bear weight? The average male polar bear weights about 1500 lbs (680 kg)

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5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. one fell off and bumped his head. momma called the doctor and the doctor said "your son is now a vegetable. he can no longer use his brain for things such as moving, talking, or eating. you are going to have to take care of him for the rest of his life. it is also going to be a burden on you and your husband because taking care of someone in this condition is very expensive, and could end up costing thousands of dollars each year."

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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- I got kicked out of the library today. - why? - because I put the women's rights book in the fiction section

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Why did the italian go to jail? because he had just robbed a bank and then brutally murdered his wife and kids.

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Q. What's green, has wheels and flies? A. A garbage truck.

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What do you call a building full of black people Jail

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"Want to hear something ironic?" ...he said to the deaf man.

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Q.Why did the boy fail to complete his homework? A. He was a loaf of bread

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A guy was beet by his wife.

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what has four wheels and opens using a key? -a trunk on wheels

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What did the man without a tongue say...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had been used as an ingredient in kung pow chicken and was on it's way via delivery boy to the house that had ordered it for a lovely evening meal

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? Physical abuse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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