Two men walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O!" The second man says "I'll have some H2O too!" Both men get water, because the bartender knows better than to give someone dihydrogen dioxide.

What did the business man say to the homeless person? Get a job

what did the egg say to the boiling water? itll take a while to get hard cause i just got laid by a chick.

How do you tell if a girl is pregant? Stick a banana up her vagina pull it out and see if it has a bite on it

why did the boy trip off a cliff? because he was clumsy.

learn the ropes?

The first few weeks of joining weight-watchers...you're just finding your feet.

How many Weasleys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2

OK. so a guy walks up to another guy and says hi. The other guy said nothing. The other guy said hi again. The guy said nothing The guy got really mad and slapppeed him across the face. Finally the man said PURPLE RABBID COMPUTER TREES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and walked away while liking his blue brick.

What did the football coach say to fire up his team? Nothing. He was not legally allowed to say anything to his team as they were being locked out by the coach's boss, the owner of the team and anything that he said to them could lose him his job.

A British man walks into a bar. He has to get stitches.

What do you call a banana that just got pealed A banana

What do a magazine and a banana have in common? They both have pages, except for the banana.

how do you get a clown to fall off a swing? hit it with an axe

What did the apple say to the orange? The apple did not say anything at all because fruits do not possess the ability of speech.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to smash and the other one is a watermelon.

Wal-mart didn't have the product I wanted. So I yelled at the manager until they had it. It didn't work and i was taken to jail.

Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but his stomach was not big enough to finish. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free meal.

What do you call a lazy good-for-nothing who can't succed at anything, steals your money, and who is unskilled in every way? A women

Yo momma so fat she when god said let there be let he said get the fuck out the way!

I never knew I was dyslexic. Then one day I showed up to a toga party dressed as a goat.

What is worse than The Holocaust? That's a difficult question to answer. The term "worse" is highly subjective. It really all depends on your own personal experiences, your ethnicity, and cultural background.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Max

Why was the American patriot sad that Bin-Laden was killed? Because he wanted to take him back to America to touture him.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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