A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’ The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled.... And than he shove all the items up his ass

thumb_up thumb_down -10

When life gives you lemons....you probably just FOUND lemons...

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the black man begin to cry when his friend aimed a gun at a watermelon? Because if he were to shoot it would be a waste of perfectly good food.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Hey, you are competitive, but let me have the last word here and you will like it. If you keep poking your nose constantly, the effect will actually overlap, making it stronger and stronger, by all means though, make sure you keep some nose working alright?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

roses are brown violets are brown, who took a shit in my garden

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is worse than getting a bad grade on a test. Having your family dog bled out in front of you, bitch.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the chicken cross the road? "THE chicken" indicates a definite article, you really would have to specify which chicken you're talking about so i can identify whether i was there at the given moment that the chicken tried to cross the road and to ask it his reason for attempting it.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is the most dangerous day of the week to leave the house? Garbage day. Moral: Or rather GAAAAAAAAAARBAAAAAGE DAAAAAAAAAAAAY! *BANG BANG BANG* >:D

thumb_up thumb_down -10

please dislike this or else i will continue writing this, lalalalalalalalalallalalalalallalalalalalalalallaallaalallalalalalalalalalalalalalalaallalalalallalalaallalalalalalallalalalalalallalalalalalalallalalalalalalla

thumb_up thumb_down -10

My heart is in my hands. Or maybe it's yours. Either way it's mine now. You won't need it anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? One is a tasty Italian food the other is a respected member of society

thumb_up thumb_down -10

what did tyrone want for Christmas? A dad.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are Dead, Voilets are, too Now shut up and say nothing Because we're watching you

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Three men walked into a bar. You'd think one of them would of ducked?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

why doesn't mexico have an olypics because theyre already running,swimming and jumping over the border

thumb_up thumb_down -10

purple pickles

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Wanna know what makes me smilee? Facial Muscles

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a unicorn that is both invisible and pink? The Invisible Pink Unicorn.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

theres a kitten stuck in a tree, whats wrong? it's dead

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are red violets are blue you have cancer......

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How many blacks does it take to screw in a light bulb? blacks don't work

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He was happy to do it.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a Pokemon without a trainer? A wild pokemon.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops