What do you call a black man in a Police car? A Police Officer

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What's similar between a boat and a plane? Both can fly except for the boat

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Why was the black man unemployed and in debt? Because current socio-economic realities and systematic racial discrimination place him at a disadvantage in terms of education and employment. Indeed, it is statistically probable that he was raised below the poverty-line, greatly limiting his opportunities from a young age.

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What's better than winning the special Olympics? Not being retarded.

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Cat got your tongue? Punch it in the face, and retrieve your tongue.

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Johnny Manziel is the best quarterback ever (this isn't a joke only a true statement)(this is a remake of a previous joke)

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why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 is your mom

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What is a person who can hold there breath for an hour? Dead

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What's the best way to get gum out of your hair? Cancer

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What do you call it when someone walks on another person's head? It depends. Face up, fetish. Face down, hate crime.

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why did sally fall off the swing? because she was a fish.

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Why did the old man order the little girl into the car? Because he was her grandfather.

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What did Santa Clause say to Rudolf? Nothing. Santa's not real.

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If a tree falls on a woman and there's no one around to hear her scream why did a tree fall in the kitchen?

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Knock, knock. Who's there? I. I who? I broke my dick.

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What is the easiest method of making multiple women fall head over heels in your presence? Have a wingman help you raise a rope at the start of a women's running race.

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How many fingers does Charlie Sheen have? 8. and 2 thumbs. just like most everybody else.

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Think of a number between 2 and 10? 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286 208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481 11745028410270193852110555964462294895493038

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how did superman die? he got cought in a plane engine!

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What's worse than a fly in your soup? Getting killed in a plane crash.

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Why did the girl get robbed? Because her door was unlocked.

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What starts with F and ends with Uck? F U C K

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If life gives you lemons your hallucinating

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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