Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what is a bracket? a bracket

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's better than winning the paraplegic Olympics? Walking.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

SCENES WHEN TOM O'SHEA GETS STABBED IN PRISON AFTER STEALING THE WHEELS OFF AN AMBULANCE

thumb_up thumb_down +4

1 little monkey jumping on the bed, he fell off and hit his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said, "Your son died of a concussion."

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How did the blonde die? Frogs teleported from the future and brutally murdered her with forks.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you make a clown cry? Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Six hats walk out of a garden. When mustard offal fruit paps.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I added ICE to WKD it was WICKED

thumb_up thumb_down +4

i have read and agree to the terms of service

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a person with a big ass head? A person with a big ass head

thumb_up thumb_down +4

An Amish man walks into a bar. He then orders a non-alcoholic beverage due to the temperance practices of the Amish faith.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

where did susan go durring the explotion? every where...

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do black people and apples have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What happened to the man who killed his family? Rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q. How do you make an oil lamp turn off? A. Break it.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How did my grand parents go about surviving the holocaust? Well, for starters, they weren't Jewish, they never lived in Germany, and to be honest, my grandparents probably would have supported the Nazi's because they are right wing pricks

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What happens when you shoot a giraffe? It dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

a jew, a gay, and an irishman walk int a bar at different times during the span of 5 hours.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What did the boy say to his mum when he saw a Lion A: Hey mum that's a Lion

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Yo mama is so so skinny, when she sits around the house, she sits comfortably in every chair. - Stephen Colbert

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Who's Italian and plays with a peach? Mario

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What' do you call a fart in a box? Your mom's puzsy

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops