How much wood would Chuck Wood have if Chuck Wood could have wood? None, Chuck Wood has E.D.

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Whats green and has wheels? A green honda

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Why did the fridge fall off its bike? Because someone threw a little girl at it.

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An old lady at an atm told me to check her balance So i pushed her over

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Me: You want pie? You: Yeah what flavour? Me: Pie flavour.

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar and the bar says "ouch!"

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Little Johnny was always bullied at school. Everyday he would get picked on by the same kid, Todd. Todd was a red-headed bully with no discipline. Johnny one day went home and started crying. His father asked the little boy, "Jonny why are you crying?" John replied, "I keep getting bullied". His father stood up and told him, "You must become a big man and step up to him and tell him how you feel. It will surprise him and he will then back off. It always works." Johnny then felt inspired. Later that night he started practicing what he will say in the mirror. By the next morning he felt like he was ready. Johnny was confident about himself for once. He walked up to Todd and told him, "I'm tired of your bullying and next time you will regret it!!". Todd looked surprised and had his jaw opened. Todd then said, "I'm sorry Johnny I didn't know you felt that way." Johnny looked confused. "Here come with me and I'll buy us ice cream". When they went to go get ice cream, Todd brutally stabbed Johnny until he was losing blood and repeatedly raped his dead body.

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There was a man sinking in quick sand. He looked in the sky and said, "God, if you spare my life, I'll be a great person and believe in you all my life." He died.

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What do you call a sheep on a trampoline? Disorientated.

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What do you call a deaf, blind socialist? Helen Keller.

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A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

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how do you scare a mexican? You dress up as a bar of soap.

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What do you call a boy with no arms? Names.

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Q: Why is the Universe so big? A: Because it is the same size as my penis.

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A baby elephant steps on a lego. First thought, auch, huh ?! Actually, the lego was fine with it and so was the baby elephant. Now they're married and are expecting a baby legophant.

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Hey you wanna hear a joke? Sure! Well first, do you want part of my sandwich? No thanks.........Are you going to tell your joke? Joke? Um sure. I didn't know I was telling one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Would you like part of my sandwich?

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roses are red violets are blue i have candy im about to rape you

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Why was a small girl found dead in the town park? Because Sallie was a bitch and deserved to die.

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How do you make an electrician cry? You cut off his friend's penis.

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Yo momma's so fat, she's broke 'cause she spent too much money on food.

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What do you call an 8 year-old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor

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Why cant Helen Keller drive? ......because women cant drive(:

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What do you call a black man walking towards you with a gun? A defibrillator.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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