What do you tell someone who says they are contemplating suicide? where to find some cheap cyanide

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Real Joke: The US Air Force operates Seymour Johnson Air Force Base. It is named for a seaman. Go look it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Roses are red, Violets are blue, sorry i gave you Herpes type 2.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

I remember my grandfather's last words he said to me before he kicked the bucket...."Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What do you call a blind man on a jet ski? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A dyslexic man walks into a bra!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you make an electrician cry? You kidnap him and his mother, tie them both to chairs in your garage, and force him to watch you stab his mother repeatedly in the face while laughing and licking up her blood and tears. Then cut his arms and legs off, lock him in a cage with his mothers body, and go in there everyday and eat a delicious meal while watching him starve to death next to his dead mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Two hippos are in a lake with water up to their eyes. One of them then says, "i keep thinking it's tueday"

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Guns dont kill people...whoever pulled the trigger kills people

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why didn't Jimmy ever get his butt of the couch? His butt was nailed to it and he was also dead. Why didn't his parents save him? they died before he did.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

WNBA

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/popular/a-paper-cut-is-a-trees-last-revenge

thumb_up thumb_down +24

why was the man gay? Because its not a choice. its a lifestyle.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Do you know what it looks like when you put a cat in the microwave for 3 minutes? I don't know either because I close my eyes when I masturbate.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

I slipped and fell in the shower today. Good thing my dad caught me

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's the difference between jam and jelly? Jam is slightly more viscous and may contain bits of fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A black man, a mexican, and a muslim all jump off a building. Who hit the ground first? Who cares!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

what did meredith and nick have in common an i

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because 7 ate 9.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Jake likes to have tickle parties with McCauley Culkin.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some dreams stay dreams, But some dreams come true. Some want to be god, They want to have made us. But I want to be an astronaught, So I can explore Uranus.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops