Roses are red. Violets are red. Sunflowers are red. My garden is on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Can Helen Keller keep a secret? No, she didn't hear it in the first place

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he'd would like to make a wager. The bartender replies, "no."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What is the difference between a duck? None! One of their legs are both the same.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why won't lance Armstrong survive 2012 Because he has cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -3

If only i were a man! You not! Your a.... WO-MAN!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Whats numbing and smells like burning toast? A stroke.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Wanna hear a joke? Twilight

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? No. Well neither did she.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

An abortionist secretly fancies himself pro life, with reservations. Overwhelmed, and utterly fed up, with the burden of carrying on the family business, he aborts himself. Although he was only 46, his frail mother was nevertheless proud of his decision to succeed where she had failed 46 years ealier.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the blonde put tip-ex on the computer screen? To spite her physically abusive husband

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Where did Sheyanne go during the bombing...... Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down -3

You are being like super pervert now, I would never ever even try weed, cocaine is the real deal, you know I do not mean that. Anyway does it work on everyone?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Your Mother's breasts sag with such severity that the late, great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? About 4:30, unless he's running late, stuck in traffic, had to get gas.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

-Why was little Johnny sad? >Why? -Because he had a frog stapled to his forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a bunch black people falling off a cliff? A mudslide! What do you call a bunch of white people falling off a cliff? An avalanch!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

"You know what my motto in life is?" "No" "Oh, that's a shame."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

You know I can, and I already have, as once the mind knows its getting certain medications, it spends the energy required in order to achieve the effect, this is what psychiatrists and those assholes would call "psychological effect". With that said, I am still tired, and the stimulants are waking up my ouchies too, so I think ill get some sleep and dont worry, I can sleep with any stimulants as long as I can use my mind. By the way, my "hypnosis senses" are not hypnosis by themselves, but in order to hypnotize oneself and other, one must learn to read body language and stuff like that, something which I now do subconciously because I am experienced. Alice is calm again, her hands are shaking but she is cold, I am pretty sure she is far more tired than I am, so I kinda ordered her to go home, this guy can type for me. Just want you to know that I am doing fine now, and that the PTSD is much less severe than before as my brain no longer remembers the voice and looks my parents had back then, so I just feel my nose getting punched and breaking, its... Surprisingly annoying, so ill get some sleep, if nothing else it will help Alice get better, and I wont lie, I need it.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a Sociopath with a very violent history.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 452

thumb_up thumb_down -3

if you watched wife-swap years ago, you'll remember that one family that bought anything they could because they didnt have to pay till 12-21-12 because they thought the world would end LOL FUN FAMILY NOW HUH

thumb_up thumb_down -3

your mom is so old, she is often confused for your grandmother.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the skeleton say to the vampire? Nothing because a skeleton wouldn't have a larynx.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops