A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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A blond, brunette, and red head jump off a building. Who hit the ground last? The red head because she was last to jump.

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How did the blonde get blood on her Ipad? A terrible paper cut.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Heisenberg...

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A Guy walks into a bar Ouch

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Whats the thing you least expect to find on Anti-Joke? A joke with a punchline.

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What did the scientist call a spider? An arachnid.

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What do a squirrel and a cucumber have in common? They both cant ride bikes

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A priest and rabbi walk into a bar, they order a few drinks, then call a cab to go home.

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I had sex with your mom. It was f*cking terrible.

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Q: What happened when three lions escaped from the zoo? A: Animal patrol came and tranquilized all three.. Unfortunantly one of the lions died from to much tranq.

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What's the difference between jam and jelly? Jam is slightly more viscous and may contain bits of fruit.

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What happens when you feed a Mini-horse a Happy Meal? If it doesn't die choking on the plastic toy included in the meal, It will most likely develop a terminal case of horse diabetes and suffer through a slow painful dying process.

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What is green fuzzy and can kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

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Knock, Knock Come in

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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why can't helen keller drive? Because she is deaf and blind.

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Q: Why did Sara fall off the swing? A: She had no arms... Q: Knock Knock! Q: Who's there? A: NOT SARA! --- Q: Okay... What song does Sara sing to her arms? A: Somebody That I Used To Know... --- Now. If you're happy and you know it clap your... nevermind O_O

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Why did the pervert cross the road? His dick was stuck in the chicken

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? A watermelon doesn't scream when you cut it open.

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shut up kobe!

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How did the man die? He was killed alive.

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What is the difference between the number 20 and 21 1

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Teacher: "What is the outside layer on a tree?" Dog: "Bark" Teacher: "How would you describe the desert surface?" Dog: "Rough" Teacher: "Would you say that Abraham Lincoln was an intelligent man?" Dog: "Yarp"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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