Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Boys go to Jupiter because they are highly trained astronauts taking part in a multi-year space journey to explore part of the solar system that man has never dreamed to be feasible.

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A Muslim walks into a bar. BOOM

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knock! knock! whos there? doctor doctor who? no Doctor Brown, you have cancer

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how do you make a plumber cry? you kill his whole family

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what's silver and red and keeps crashing into the walls? a baby with forks in its eyes

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Your mom is so fat that when she went to the Doctors, He said she was slightly over weight

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Why did John go outside? His house was on fire.

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Why did the chicken get hit by a bus? Because he crossed the road

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Milkman! Milkman who? ....Timmy....I've been coming here for FOURTEEN YEARS! AND YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME?!?! I drove your mom to the hospital when you were born since your father is such a deadbeat. I helped pick out your name!! I'm sorry I wasn't born into wealth like you. I'm sorry I have to go door to door handing out milk for other people! I have been coming here every week for FOURTEEN YEARS! But no Timmy, no, don't try to remember my name. Just forget about all the laughs we have had. Or that time i left my family on Christmas because your mother needed me to go find you that Turbo man doll. I saved you from a burning vehicle! I helped you win your third grade science fair! Remember? I have a picture of us and that robot right here in my wallet. I show it to people all the time! Here's me and my...my pal Timmy. Well Timmy, this is it. You shan't see me again.

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How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

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What do you call it when someone walks on another person's head? It depends. Face up, fetish. Face down, hate crime.

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what did you call a bench full of white guys? The NBA

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Why did the old man fall off his bicycle? Because somebody threw a fridge at him.

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What do men and women have in common? They're both respected members of society, besides women.

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Whats big red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater.

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How do you stop a baby from crying? Throw it off the top of the Empire State Building.

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Friend: "Hey man! Did you hear about the kid who bought the last hamster at the pet shop? Other friend: "No..." Friend: "Oh, well he shot himself last night."

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

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What's big, green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

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What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog? A dog

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What's worse than biting into a worm and finding an apple? Why would you bite into a worm?

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Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb Mary had a little lamb and the doctor was surprised

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(Knock Knock) Who's there? You were late paying your mortgage and now your house is being repossessed by the bank.

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Knock Knock The door's open, wipe your shoes off on the matt

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops