Why don't carrot tops souls ? They just don't

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How much does a Polar Bear weigh? Approximately 500 lbs

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"Hheheheh Hey Butthead"- "Were Gonna Score!"

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How did the young child react when a bullet went through his head? He fell to the ground and his heart stopped beating.

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An Afronaut

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please ignore the bottom two 'jokes' as they were written by josh carey and ryan danielz

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You are walking down the street, and a man keeps on getting in your way. You want to politely... Screw it already and stab him in the back

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Knock knock *the family is on vacation and doesn't answer*

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What's big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock-eater.

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What time is it Mr.Wolf? About half 5. Alright, thanks mate. How's the kids? Managing. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy world. Anyway, Got to be going. Yeah yeah. Say hi to the wife for me. Will do. Alright, Bye. See you later.

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The person below me is weird.

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Knock knock Who's there? Taco Taco who? Taco bell

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What's worse than getting stabbed Getting stabbed two times

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Why did Jimmy fall over? Jimmy was hit by a bus.

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Hey Jay, did you here the one about the 3 hookers at the bar? Jay didn't reply because he was deaf

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why was the spoiled girl running from her parents? because they weren't her parents, they were kidnappers and were going to sell her into underground sex trafficking markets where she would probably spend the rest of her life being a slave.

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you're mommas so fat that her doctor says she is morbitly obese and may die of a heart failure later in life

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Yeah, and speaking about spiderman, I got some weird senses, when I get stressed things begin seeming slower, and gets a weird blur effect, not sure what it is, but if you know what "bullet hell video games are" Technically games where you play as a tiny spaceship and lots of bullets fly around, I was always awesome at those games as a kid, because the more stress I felt while playing, the slower my perception of time felt.

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What did Batman tell Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say orange? Well you shouldn't be. I came to tell you your family died in a car crash and you have AIDS.

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Roses are brown Violets are brown What the hell who keeps shitting in my garden

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If you peel my skin off, I won't cry, but you will. What am I? A human being with a high pain threshold.

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Q. What do you call cheese that's not yours? A. Stolen, you're under arrest.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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