I like my coffee like I like my women..... Without Hepatitis.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is blind and death, making her oblivious of her surroundings and would be a danger to fellow commuters. -mac

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Two men go hunting and one has a sudden heart attack. The other man calls 911 and immediately tells the operator his location and the nature of the emergency. Rescue workers arrive on the scene in a timely manner and the man makes a full recovery.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Welcome to die!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the man suck at basketball? Because he is white, 5 foot 2, and has no arms. Posted By: Lram

thumb_up thumb_down +17

8

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I love you. You love me. I killed you're family. No you're an orphan.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

your mamas so fat her weight is 3.14 without the decimal

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: What did the man ask the waiter when he was seated at Cracker Barrel? A: May I please have more golf tees?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why'd the chicken cross the road? The chicken doesnt understand the concept of a street so it was most likely just wandering across the street

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the gay man do last night? Had a curry

thumb_up thumb_down +15

what happened to the farm animals? They were slaughtered and their parts were sold as meat, glue and other useful materials

thumb_up thumb_down +15

one day four teenage boys started doing drugs. They jumped off a cliff and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the rabbit cross the road? He was attempting vehicular suicide after being told yet again that he was "silly" and "Trix are for kids."

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's the difference between Bobby and a plane? Bobby can be sexually molested.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's worse than some one spitting in your food Hitler revealing he's actually a Jew

thumb_up thumb_down +15

"i see", said the blind man ... ...to his deaf wife... ...while his crippled children jumped for joy....

thumb_up thumb_down +15

If a quiz is a quizzical what is a test? A testicle

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Me: You know what's funnier than 24. Friend: 25? Me: No, 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +15

There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realizing the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A young baby died.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

OK. so a guy walks up to another guy and says hi. The other guy said nothing. The other guy said hi again. The guy said nothing The guy got really mad and slapppeed him across the face. Finally the man said PURPLE RABBID COMPUTER TREES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and walked away while liking his blue brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What happened when a man drove up to an escort and said "want to check my bags?" The escort replied "Certainly, sir" due to the fact the escort worked at a hotel.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops