So there are two kids in bumper cars at the local fair. A nuke was set off underground and most of the metropolitan was annihilated.

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A mushroom walks into a bard and the bartender admonishes him and tells him to leave. The mushroom says "Aw, c'mon...you stupid jerk!"

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A short Irish man and a tall German man went skydiving. Both parachutes coincidentally failed to deploy and they died.

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What do you call cheese that is not yours? The fact that you do not own the cheese doesnt change its name

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. (do you get it cause the robot has no arms)

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A duck walked up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand hey! Got any guns

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What happens when you throw a midget off of a tall building? It dies and the people below get midget on them

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Q:What Did The Man Say When He Lost His Body A:Nothing He Die. Because If You Ever Lost Your Body You Would Die...

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Knock Knock Whose there? Yes I am a convicted child molester and by state law I must go door-to-door explaining the many cruel and vigorous crimes I have committed.

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What do you get when you cross your eyes? A headache.

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2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

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- What has 2 legs and is bleeding ? - A dog cut in two.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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your mommas so fat i like fat cows is she home?

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What does it take to write a good joke? A punchline

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"KNOCK KNOCK". I opened the door to greet my guests for the party.

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what do you call a drunk person? By his or her name and call him a cab

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Why do Teenagers, mostly girls between the ages of 12-17 love Justin Bieber? Because he promotes himself worldwide and makes sure that girls know who he is thus creating a fan base that will be large enough to promote his career, which ensures him a safe financial future.

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How do you make Chuck Norris cry? Kill his family.

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Best joke: Okay so I got a joke for ya but it is pretty long so bare with me please. First off, you must have heard a knock knock joke before and you must have a huge sense of humor. So this guy walks into a bar and orders fried chicken wings with hot fudge and vinilla drizzled all over it with a cherry topping. The bartender says, "We don't have that." The guy thinks of anything else he'd like and says, "How about a bucket of turkey and jalapeños?" The bartender looks puzzled and once again says, "This is a bar..." The guy is now paranoid and says, "Fine, I'll just have a thick, juicy, chicken thigh but please remove any excess skin on it, it's unhealthy and I'm on a diet." The bartender slowly removes his apron and walks out of the bar shouting, "I QUIT!" The guy sits there on the barstool laughing as a lady bartender comes to him. "So sorry sir, what would you like? From our bar that we have available?" The guy stares at her, squinting. "By any chance do you know if you have the punch line to this 'joke' because I sure dont." Slowly the woman removes her apron and walks out of the bar. The guy grins, walks out, and says, "job well done today. Where to tomorrow?"

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A man walks into a bar. It was a metal bar. He cracked his skull and died in the hospital shorty afterward.

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Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and trampoline? Well, children jump on one to obtain enjoyment, while a pile of dead babies is a sick tragedy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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