Why did the girl scream? Someone shot her mom

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Feeling that your friends do not listen to your insightful conversations? BUY A PARROT! Teach it to say "Uhuh", and "Ahah", and "Dats coo!" NOW YOU CAN BE COMPLETELY APRECIATED BY A FUCKING BIRD THAT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING... ...BUT IS IT... APPRECIATING IT? DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! MYSTERY!

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Why was the little boy screaming? He was going down a steep drop on a roller coaster.

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A boy walks up to a girl and says "Do you like ice cream? Cuz I have a huuuuuge penis."

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind.

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How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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What's the difference between a duck? One of its feet are both the same.

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A dog with toothpaste in it's mouth wanders into a bar. The bartender beats it to death, because he thought it had rabies.

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What did Hellen Keller name her dog? Her parents named it Spot; Hellen Keller isn't able to speak due to her handicapped muteness.

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A fat guy runs a marathon. He dies of obesity and dehydration.

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What have a blueberry and a raspberry got in common? They both can't ride a skateboard

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Why didn't God show up to Jesus' bar mitzvah? Because he doesn't exist.

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When will racism end? When everyone's dead.

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Why didn't the parakeet eat my diarrhea? I already ate it.

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*Phone rings* Hello? Hi, is your refrigerator running? No, it actually broke down yesterday. Are you the repair man? Yes, the repairs will cost $400

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Why did the chicken lay an egg? Because she got knocked up.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervour father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happyness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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How does a girl with no arms swing on the swing? She doesn't, she has no arms.

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Why was a small girl found dead in the town park? Because Sallie was a bitch and deserved to die.

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What worse than the holocaust? Danny's.

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Q: What can you never see in the light, but you can in the dark? A: Darkness.

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A spaceship enters a black hole. A spaceship enters a black hole. A spaceship enters a black hole.

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What did Chuck Norris say when he saw a cop -Hi

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops