Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a dick just for you

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i heard something so funny it made me crap my pants you were a mistake

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Why was the boy in hospital? He fell off the bus and was run over by many cars.

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What starts with an N and ends with R, that you wouldn't want to call a black person? Neighbor

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How do you find out how many Mexicans are living in the United States? Take a Census.

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man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasn't that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

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why did the chicken cross the road? I Lied, it was a cow not a chicken and it was a highway full of speeding cars slamming into the cow body until it would stop moooooooooooooooooving...

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What has wings and can't fly? What has legs and can't move? What has mouth and can't eat? A dead bird on the road

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Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear was the one who started the forest fire? A: He got arrested just like you would have

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roses are red violets are blue i have to poop

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What's black & sits at the top of the staircase? A quadriplegic after a house fire.

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Whats Big, black, and in your moms underwesar? A snake that escaped from a pet store which is causing a lot of commotion in the local community. Meanwhile your mom is getting drilled by a big psycho who escaped the mental institution. JMM

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Womens rights

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why doesnt jesus play hockey? he got nailed to the boards

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Your mother's so fat, her blood type was Ragu

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Do you know what color comes after 9?

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Knock, Knock? Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Why are you crying? I'm not crying. Oh.

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Knock knock Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Cow who? ..He died.

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Q.What did the anti-joke reader say to the doctor? A-My finger is stuck on the dislike button.

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Your mother is so obese, that when shot with a high velocity round from a handgun, the bullet is unlikely to penetrate the several layers of fat protecting her vital organs, like a fleshy kevlar vest. However, she is likely to die from infection, which is highly commom among gunshot wounds.

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When life throws you lemons, duck cuz they freakin' hurt

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How many dead babies can you fit in a sink? I don't know i forgot to turn the garbage disposal off

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A guy walks into a restaurant.... He ordered his meal , got desert and left a nice tip based off a percentage of his final bill.

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A Jewish, Italian, and Russian man are stranded on an island. Eventually the Russian man dies from heatstroke, leaving the other two to decide whether or not to feast on his remains. The Italian eventually goes mad and tries to murder the Jewish man who is forced to defend himself and kill his remaining friend. Shortly after, the Jewish man is eventually rescued by a passing German vessel after suffering severe dehydration and malnourishment and hanging on only by his faith in God. As they are leading him to safety, the Jewish man eventually summons the strength to tell his saviors about the horrible things he has done and all he has gone through, not knowing if he'll ever be able to forgive himself. His German rescuers take one awkward look at him, and don't know what to say to help him, leading afterwards to several years of PTSD therapy and rehabilitation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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