Tim and Eric

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Q: What's the difference between a stick in the road and a baby in the road? A: You swerve around the stick

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How much booze did the homeless man drink? All of it. He is severely depressed.

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees an officer standing on a street corner and a pile of burning rubble behind him. He asks the officer what happened and he replies "A bomb fell from the sky and annihilated the city orphanage. 214 children were killed and two nearby families of 3 and 6 were severely injured and are now in the hospital with no hope of survival." The man was found dead later that week with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

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Who lives on 2324 Elm St. River Grove Illinois? And Goes to East Leyden High School? The answer is Ricky Krajewski. He is 16 years old has brown hair and brown eyes. 5'11" 190lbs and 6.5 inch penis(when erect). social security # is 679-78-6283.

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text this number 2066191208 saying i wanna rape you

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1 fish 2 fish red fish wait why is the fish red , oh I forgot I killed it

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If an ear could talk what would it say? Probably nothing because it doesn't have a tongue...

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There is a man who is half black half Jewish. He walking up a hill really fast. What happens to him? Answer: The Jewish side of his body will fall off and the black side will walk away.

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what did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas?

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I have cancer."

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what's the fastest way to have someone murder you tell your wife you are cheating on her

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Roses are red Violets are blue I hate rhyming Penis

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I wouldn't touch ellen degeneres with a 10 foot lance. However, i would shake her hand with my hand. Lesson: 10 foot lances are no way to touch ppl.

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so theres this big moose, and it walks into a convenience store and asks the lady bitch "where are the potatoes?" and she says "ehh, down aisle 5" so he goes down isle five, and there aint no potatoes

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wat is the difference between rainbows and poop? I LOVE RAINBOWS!

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Penis

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"Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it; I tried to be chill, but then I realized that when used as an adjective, 'chill' refers to the temperature." -Jason Mraz

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How did the black man get put in jail? He didn't, he never did anything illegal

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Oh my God! A talking dog!

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How can you tell if a woman is a man? If she has a penis

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Moral: Sure, your number is the one that ends with 853 right? Do not reply if I am right. Moral2: BECAUSE TOP COMMENT... AND SERIOUSLY, THAT NUMBER BETTER END WITH 69 AFTER I CALL YOU! DO NOT REPLY

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Q: what did the man say to the woman when he wanted her to leave? A: please leave

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when chuck norris plays call of duty, his only perk is ghost pro.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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