Q: How much dirt is in a hole 3 by 6 by 2 feet? A: There's no dirt, it's a hole.

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What is blue and flies across the room? A baby with a punctured lung.

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why did the ginger get made fun of? because he had red hair

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whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon ones a live the other isnt

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why did mad is on home s walk becuaes a isnt a number

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Why did Jimmy eat the apple? Because he was obese and needed to eat healthy because his doctor suggested it.

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Why did the black man get a zero on his SAT? He was up so late helping orphans with disabilities that he fell asleep during the test.

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Why did the spoon say hi to the fork? To initiate a conversation.

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what does the sloth say to dylan sedgwick nothing dylan is the sloth

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Why did Johnny disappear? He was sucked into a vacuum toilet on an air jet.

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Knock knock Who's there? To To be continued.

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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Q. What's brown and circular? A. MEATBALLS!

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How many babys does it take to paint a wall red? 7 and 24 paint brushes cause babys need do overs

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How do you get a Mother out of a tree? Ask them to come down, because it is really not socially acceptable for a responsible adult to be climbing trees.

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What do Tutankhamun and Elvis Presley have in common? They're dead

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What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start

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They say once you go black, you never go black. But clearly they weren't referring to Nigel, who had an average-sized penis at best.

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person 1:Dude, look at the news person 2:Yea man, its D ick Cheney person 1: what a d ick head

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Why did Jimmy fall over? Jimmy was hit by a bus.

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*insert lame joke stolen from the top 10 jokes and think it's original because I changed one word*

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Why couldn't the man read? Because he was illiterate

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2 + 2 = fish

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Two gay men walk into a bar. Holding hands.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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