Knock knock. Who's there? Pete. I'm here to tell you that your entire family just died in a car accident.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What do you call a pair of banana peels? Trash.

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What's the difference between jam and jelly? Jam is slightly more viscous and may contain bits of fruit.

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When life gives you lemons, chuck them at the creepy man across the block.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was unaware that it could get run over by a motor vehicle.

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A Guy walks into a bar Ouch

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i just got all five seasons of big bang theory in the mail for xmas... i'm divorcing my wife.

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Knock knock! Ding dong.

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Wwhat's black on top and white on the bottom? Rape.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Orange. Orange who? The orange that can talk and knock on doors.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I rather sleep in the class Like a boss in the school -HairyBoss

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why was the black man wearing a ski mask? he was skiing.

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Mark Wilson

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baby seal walks into a club

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Why is a budgie Because the other leg is yellow

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the same wolf that had devoured the chickens' chicks singlehandedly was chasing it.

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THIS IS an anti-joke.

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Why did the clown want a new bike? Don't ask me, clowns are allowed to want things too

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A man says to a woman, "hey, bitch, shut your fucking mouth you goddamn hooker." Most hookers are used to it.

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One time I masturbated by myself

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A man says to a boy. I bet you I can jump over that mountain. The boy wins the bet because it is a physical impossibility to jump over a mountain.

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What's big,long,and mostly men use it? A submarine

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civil rights

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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