When someone throws a rock at you What do you say? A:Oww

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What did batman do before getting into his batmobile? - Look for the keys.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The screams were loud. It was just one big fire behind him. He and his fellow chickens had been trapped. They thought they were being freed... They thought wrong. The guards herded them in and then the heat started. The fires began to rage. His friends, his allies, his brothers, were falling dead, burning, beside him. He had to escape. He did not think, only acted. Lashing out at the guard, he knocked him down and ran. He ran and ran until he could run no more, and he still kept running. He could still hear his brothers' screams. He could still see their faces burning before his eyes. He reached the road, and finally stopped. He looked around. The screams had stopped. The heat had left his body. But then another sound came. Yelling. The guards. They were following him. He tried to keep running. But he just couldn't. He was finished. He fell on the road, sliding himself along as quickly as he could. He hadn't run this far to be caught by the guards. He stopped. He could go no further. He looked up and saw the blue sky, cloudless and free. The last thing he heard was a roaring engine. The guards never found his body.

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What did the fat girl say to the good looking guy? Nothing. She didn't have the self-confidence to go up to him.

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What's Big, Brown and really Runny ??? It doesn't matter anymore, i'll just leave the Toilet !!

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A dyslexic paraplegic walks into a bra

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Why couldn't Jenny speak right? Cause she had autism.

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Why do all the Republicans hate Obama? He's a Democrat.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind.

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An irish man walks out of a bar

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it depressed me to be diagnosed with depression

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What's black and white and red all over? A car in which some young hoodlum appears to have splashed a fair amount of red paint over the owner's otherwise charming checker pattern.

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What's the difference between a taxidermist and an astronomer ? They have a different job.

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A man walks into a bar and says "ow"

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A Haitian walks into a bar. It collapses.

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What did the squirrel say to the other squirrel? Squirrels can't talk.

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What's the difference between and Jew and pizza?!?!?! Jews are people and pizza is a food product :D

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Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and suffered from a self-inflicted gunshot wound in his head, he is being treated by medical professionals

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How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? None. They use candles

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What do you call a man with a shovel through his head? Unless he was carrying ID when he died; John Doe.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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Roses are red Here's something new Violets are violet NOT F**KING BLUE

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a cucumber

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Lady wanna go out sometime? Im not lesbian girl! Im not a girl... OUCHIE!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops