96

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Why didn't the pro-choice, pregnant woman have an abortion? It was a planned pregnancy.

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A player under the tag "KiTcHeNGuRLxGaMerZ143" got a message after finishing a map on call of duty. "lol ur good."

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Q: What is a man? A: A miserable little pile of secrets.

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My piggy bank is empty. No change there then

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Knock Knock Who's there? A human pretending to be a dog A human pretending to be a dog who? Errr...I mean...woof

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Santa isn't real

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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A horse walks into a bar. "Rough day?" says the bartender. UUUNNNHHHHH!

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What would happen if nyan cats crashed with eachother? It would be a great impact, and we'd all be sad.

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? 9/11

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the danced cus they were young, they danced cus they were free, but mostly the danced cus they needed to pee

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What did the black jewish homosexual say to the conquistador? Nothing as they were both from entirely different time periods.

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why was tommy so sad?............because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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What's grey and can't fly? A Parking Lot.

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Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She has no arms.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I had sex with your mother

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Did you know Hellen Keller Had a pony neither did she

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Statistically speaking, one out if every seven dwarves are unhappy

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why did the chicken cross the road? because it wanted to get to the other side! why did the chipmunk cross the road? because it was stapled to the chicken

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What's worse than being raped? Being raped twice.

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I get no respect at all. That's because I am a liar and a thief with no redeeming qualities.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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