how do you make a plumber cry? you hit him in the face

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Roses are Red Violets are dog I'm Senile Flower tastes like frog.

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What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A jew is a person contending to the faith of Judaism, and a pizza is an Italian flat normally round or square baked good consisting of dough, tomato sauce, cheese and various spices, and is sometimes enjoyed with toppings such as meat or vegetables.

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Why did the little girl fall out of the swing? Because she had no arms..

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Deadly cancer.

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What's small and red that sits in a corner? A baby with a razor blade.

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Why can't Jimmy walk ever again? Because when he was 12 his father mistook him for a plank of wood a sawed his legs off. We may realise here that this prohibits him from walking.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

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So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

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How do u make a fat person cry......... tell em mc donnalds is closed (^_^)

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Why did Robert fall off his bike?? Because he was a potato.

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Why couldn't the black kid buy a bike? He had no money.

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How can you tell if a duck is sleeping? Look at its eyes.

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why did the pirate have a patch? to crack the software he had downloaded

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What's the difference between a whore and a blonde? There is not enough information to answer this question.

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Why don't elephants eat bananas? Because they don't have opposable thumbs.

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Why did the boy rip out all of his hair? He was insane.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a paranoid schizophrenic and so am i

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knock, knock come in

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Roses are red Violets are blue i got one question Screw You

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What did the calculator screen say? Cos0=1

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what is the difference between coke and pepsi? -they are competing soft drinks made by different brands

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was Suzy Knock Knock Who's There The Holocaust

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Why was the man called Big Larry? His name was Larry and he was morbidly obese.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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