How many software professionals does it take to get a file committed to source control? Well, today it took five.

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Lebron James in the 4th quarter.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered sex offender.

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why did the man fall off his bike? He got shot by the navy seals, He was a highly decorated terrorist.

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Why did the virgin jerk until his hand was raw? He didn't have lotion.

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Why did the girl fall of her chair? The chair can only hold so much weight.

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An Indian man left a 20% tip after eating at the closest restaurant to him

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Whats worse than being arrested for a crime you didn't commit? Starving children in africa.

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How does a printer work? You plug it in.

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Republicans

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Good question, probably because I cannot get enough focus to "put a spell" on anyone because of my allergy, I use "autocast" for the rest. "Put a spell" I have not heard that since I was 14, that's really oldschool, and kinda geeky, back then it was code talk... Which is also geeky unless it actually serves a good purpose. AAAND... I served my mandatory time in the army as a minesweeper, we got attacked by fucking allies because of a... Yeah, I killed, people on our same team, still bad people, they offed about everybody else until I showed up, long story short, yeah I offed four of them, but that's like ten years ago.. My turn, you really got a crush on me dont you?

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A tightly dressed woman walks up to a man and asks if he wants a good time they go out for dinner and have a lot in common and agree to meet again in the near future

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So, a guy sees a guy, and asks that guy if he's seen a guy who knew this guy who saw this guy who killed this guy, who knew a guy who is Barack Obama's best friend. Oh wait, Barack Obama doesn't have any friends.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? .

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Guess what? What? Idk. I just wanted to make u excited.

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Why did the pedophile cross the road? To molest a child.

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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Depends. Some are vegetarians or vegans, while most eat a mixture of vegetables and meat.

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How do you get 10 babies out of a blender? Potato Chips! Stupid!!!!

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Whats so funny? Josh nash's face

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What's grey and can't fly? A Parking Lot.

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an ant walks into my aunt.... the ant took a dump

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Why can't Sally ride a bike? Because Sally's a fish.

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Worst joke ever

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How Many Blondes does it take to open a fridge. 1 Because most blondes are smart and can open fridges.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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