Three monkeys are sitting in a tree. Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? -He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? -He was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? -Peer pressure.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A blind fish, who had a horrible accident with a fishing hook

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Trees are like friends. They both fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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What did the goat say to the other goat? They are poorly evolved animals and incable of speaking.

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Why did the bus crash? Because the driver was a watermelon.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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What did T Pain say to the skipper of his yacht? I'm on a yacht

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Why couldn't the drunken man walk in a straight line? Because someone shot him in the face.

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Why did Eduardo cross the road. The same reason he crossed the border.

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Yo sugars so salty when you put it on your french fries they taste like salty french fries

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What do you get when a bulldog and shitzu reproduce? A litter of extremely cute puppies.

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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Mindfuck: They call you a patient where medics are because they do not want you to become impatient. The Coronel is the Kernel of the army (coronel sounds a lot like coronel no?) Sergeant = Sir gent. as in Sir gentle(man) Ok, so if you experience insanity one day, does that make you insane forever? In that case I was born and will die hungry and thirsty. Sigmund Freud= Sickman fraud. General: The guy you should generally listen to if you are in the army. 3.14 ratebay = PIRATE BAY! Why is Satan the antichrist, humans killed him :P Satan only "tempted his thirsty brother with water at the desert" Jesus showed real power by saying "NO WATER WHEN I AM THIRSTY IS BAD FROM MY BROTHER!"

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Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: It shouldn't take more than one person to do this task, regardless of hair color.

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Horton Hears... Rape and violence and doesn't do anything about it.

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What did one chimney say to the other chimney. Nothing, chimneys dont talk.

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What is brown and sticky? A stick.

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What's worse than stubbing your toe? playing spin the bottle with your mom

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A man walks into a bar. The other one ducks.

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knock knock.. who's there? ted? ted, who? STOP f***ing around, you got cancer!

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What is the most important thing to have during a zombie apocalypse? Oxygen.

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There women are stuck on an island, a blonde, a brunette and a ranga. They are saved days later.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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