A man walks into a bar and says give me a 84 bourbon, when he gets it he spits it out and says this is no 84 bourbon this is a 74 scotch, So he asks for a 68 brandy , when he gets it he spits it out again in disgust saying this isn't a 68 brandy this is a 87 whiskey!, than the old man next to him says here try this, the man says what is it?, the old man just says try it, so the man does, he spits it out and shouts this is urine!, the old man says correct, now tell me how old i am.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What is sad and disappointing? Nevada's and California's snow pack.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A used condom filled with water and left on a radiator makes an ideal and inexpensive lava lamp.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. You're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

BTW ANders she is gone, read below, seriously! And your mother is ugly, but she is so kind to me, so ill be nice to her too... Seducing a LONE WIDOW ME 32 years she... 180 and always blushing around me? Thats gonna be hard... No seriously, I kissed her on the cheek the other day, she moaned... And she aint that old... looks like a old 40 year old. ANDERS! AAAANDEERS! CHATTERTON!!! Anyway, tell your mom, that way Ill just need to enter, kill you, and you know... make her feel like she is ... 77 again? Nah she is ahornbag so she must be younger, wont kiss her on those lips though ANDERSSSss because she smokes, the others? Sure, Ill take a pic of her squirting! From the guy that taught you how to make any woman squirt... YOu fucking asshole!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

in superbad, why couldnt seth take off mclovin's face and wear it as his own? no one can. theyre fictional characters in a movie

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What worse than a hurt puppy? Two hurt puppies.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the boy do his homework? For fun.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the young boy get his Father for Father's Day? A bouquet of flowers for his grave stone.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do you get when you mix a polar bear and a dog? A dead dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's worse than the holocaust? Giovanna Plowman.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you know when your pizza is ready? When the oven timer goes off, indicating that it is done.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did one salt shaker say to the other salt shaker? Nothing, Salt shakers are merely used to add flavor to foods.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A man walks into a bar and says, "Hey, Jim, your wife just died from terminal cancer." Jim then says, "Cool. Hey, do you know if the games on tonight?"

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Spongebob. "Hey Patrick, I thought of something funnier than 24." Patrick "Let me hear it." Spongebob "25"

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's blue and looks like water? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A duck walks into a grocery store. He looks at the shopkeeper, who then grabs a broom and shoos him back outdoors.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Is the glass half full or half empty? The liquid in the glass is not at exact half, so that question is not answerable.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

roses are red violets are blue your moms a whore thats it

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A Muslim walks into a Bar, He buys everyone a round of drinks and enjoys the rest of his night

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum." Doctor: "I've got some cream for that."

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Who ate my sandwich? The office appliance that fell from the sky.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What is big, round, hairy, black with a little bit of white and red stripes, large feet, small hands, squinty eyes and a purple beret? Nothing. How ridiculous.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops