When life gives you lemons, take them. Free stuff is cool.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Your mamma is so fat that she is undergoing strict diet and exercise in order to reduce the risk of premature death due to health complications.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why don't you ever want to greet your friend Jack on the plane? Because your wife cheated on you with him and she is having his baby, if you were to even think about talking to Jack, you'd end up slitting his throat and throwing him off the side of the plane into a crocodile pit where they will make a feast of his body for the next couple days... So just don't greet Jack

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Scenario - Two astronauts are kayaking down the Sahara dessert. Question - How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse? Answer - Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why didn't the black man sit in the front of the bus? Because he lives in a society where it is illegal and socially unacceptable for a person of african decent to sit in towards the front of a bus, near the driver, which is most commonly reserved for a person of european decent.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the stoplight turned green

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How many people are in the world? More than one. -David Papile

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What color do you wear if you're in the NAVY? Beige, white, sometimes camouflage - really, it depends on your rank and the situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what do u call a black guy who sells drugs a pharmacist

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the purple dragon say to the unicorn? He doesn't say anything to the unicorn because dragons and unicorns don't exist. Even if they did exist, dragons and unicorns can't talk, unless we're talking about cartoons. Also, even if it was a cartoon or whatever, do you really think a purple dragon has ANYTHING to say to a unicorn?! Of course not! Oh look at me I'm a cool talking dragon, I have something so important to say to this unicorn. Gimme a break...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the apple say to the banana? Nothing, apples can't talk

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: How many times did the chicken cross the road? A: One and a half.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What is funnier than 24? If you think numbers are funny then you could have a mental illness and that isn't quite funny.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Yo mamma's so fat she attracts other matter with a force proportional to the product of their masses divided by the square of the distance.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? You don't have to cook an onion to eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Guy: I have a gun get in my van Girl: SHOTGUN!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Two muffins are baking in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "Boy, it sure is hot in here!" The other one replies, "OMG, A TALKING MUFFIN!"

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's white and can't climb trees? A fridge

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Who the hell knows..?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's the difference between cancer and my grandmother? She doesn't have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are blue, Violets are purple, I like chicken. Do you like chicken?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops