What do you call an armless legless man swimming? Dead

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What's white and black and red all over A nun with a spear throug her head

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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What happened to Jillian when she walked out the door? She got hit by a bus A. Knock knock B. Whos there? A. Not Jillian

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A man and a six year old boy are walking along a path through the woods on a moonless night. "Gee mister, I'm scared!" says the boy. "You're scared?" says the man. "I have to walk back alone!"

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If John has 10 packs of beer and he drinks 8 packs,what is John left with? Morbid Obesity.

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WELCOME TO THE GARLIC BOYS SHOW! So kids, what are we gonna eat today? POTATOES! FUUUUUUU! Moral: You say tomata, I say WROOOOOOOONG, you say cheap I say your mother.

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? No one knows because humans do not have the capability of accessing the chickens brain to receive their knowledge and what they were thinking about in the past.

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Why couldn't Cait walk her dog? She's been paralyzed from the waist down since she was 5 after her and her parents got into a car accident and her parents died.

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Guy 1:Whats the difference between a towel and toilet paper? Guy2: I dont know Guy : SO IT WAS YOU!

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Let's say you're inside a building and you are lost. You need to find directions to get out. But the building is so big almost like a maze or labyrinth. You start walking until you see 2 doors and each door is guarded by a man. Now in between the 2 doors is a message on the wall. It says: "Dear friend, I assume that you are lost and want to get out. There is hope! You have an option to choose one of these doors guarded by these men. You may ask one of these men which door leads to freedom. However, 1 guard ALWAYS tells a lie and 1 guard ALWAYS tells the truth. If you are to choose the wrong door, you will be locked in the building forever. So choose wisely and ask the right question. Good luck! Sincerely, the owner of the building." So you think to yourself and try to figure out what the hell did you get yourself into. This is a very tricking situation. You have one liar and one honest man. How can you tell which is lying and with is telling the truth? After minutes of confusion and thinking, you have finally decided to ask one guard a question. ----spoiler alert----- So you ask the guard one question. "What would the other guard say is the door to freedom?" The guard said "This door" You choose the opposite door and you are now free. The End [Explanation: You have 2 doors. Let's say door A is losing and door B is winning. If you ask the liar what would the other guard say, he we lie and say door A. So you pick the opposite door, which door B and you win. Now if you ask the truth teller what would the other guard say, he we tell the truth and say the same answer, door A. So you pick the opposite door and win]

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Why did the chicken get hit by a bus? He tried to cross the road.

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An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" The Irish man looks down at it, dumbfounded. "I have absolutely no idea," he says, and removes it.

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What do you call a jew in an oven? A safety hazard

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A Mexican, a Chinese man, and a cowboy are on a plane. The plane is crashing, and they need to get rid of anything to make the plane lighter so thet can glide to safety. The cowboy throws out all of his boots and says we have to many of these. Then the Mexican throws out all of his taco shells and says we have to many of these. Then the Chinese man throws out the Mexican and says we have to many of these.(:

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Ask me about my wiener. How's your wiener? I don't have a wiener, I'm a woman.

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a man rides on his horse to rohde island and back. he rode on Friday and returned on Friday. damn, that's one fat horse

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Why did the black man take the watermelon? Because he bought it, and watermelons are delicious.

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Why did the White man scream when he saw a Black man? Because he was scared.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? An obsession with what motivates a chicken.

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What do you call a black guy who wins a race? A winner

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Why'd the clown fall out of the tree? it died. Why'd the cat fall out of the tree? it died Why'd the chicken fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the clown

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Why shouldn't you tell a joke during an earthquake. Cause it is not the time nor the place to tell a joke

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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