What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? An ambulance.

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Guess what? That is actually a ridiculously broad question, and I can be referring to anything. You really have no chance in guessing "what" is. As a matter of fact, I can just be thinking about a thought of something else, which is not even a concrete thing. Therefore, you really have no chance of guessing what "what" actually is. So I win. You lose.

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God and Allah are having a metaphysical picnic, God says to his fellow deity: "Why do you think so many humans have been killed in our names?" Allah muses upon this for a moment and replies: "Because they think we exist."

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Why did the baby fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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Two horses were discussing their racing records. The first said, "In my whole life I had won ten races." The second horse says, "Well, I've won twelve of those!" A greyhound trotting by chimes in, "Not bragging guys, but in my career, I've won twenty!" "Unbelievable!" exclaimed both horses. "It's a talking dog!"

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Did you know Hellen Keller had a tree house? Yeah..neither did she.

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Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a dog house, if your parents are a washing machine and a dryer? A: Trick Question, dog houses can't fly!

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What's big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock eater.

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Is this the Krusty Krab? Yes.

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what do you get when you you put a knife in a head? a dead body

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Two fish are swimming and hit a concrete wall...dam

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Why did Timmy's face hurt? Because there was a frog stapled to it.

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What happened after the man with no arms and legs lost his keys? Nothing. He won't get them for the rest of his life.

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Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? So nobody finds he's been fucking hens.

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Parents who drive with children on their lap should be wrapped with a huge diapper

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why did the kid strike out in baseball he had leprosy and his arms were amputated

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, That's okay, I'm not colourblind.

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Why couldn't the man get a job at the daycare? Because he was a serial killer/rapist.

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Q:why did the guy go to the doctor? A:I dunno, he must have gone for a good reason

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What do you call three black guys in a bar? A bar.

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Knock Knock Who's there? You You Who? Yes? Can I help you madam?

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A guy walks into a bar, and says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Knock Knock Jehovah's witnesses!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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