what has two legs, and is red? half a cat.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was Hellen Keller.

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The funniest thing happened the other day, it was like one went like this, and the other went like that, and then everyone laughed... ...Oh, its one of those where you would have had to be there to see how funny it was.

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what is worse than a hole in your sock? Getting raped

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What's the difference between a baby and my trampoline? I take my boots off before i jump on my trampoline. . .

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im bad at making jokes And your a jew

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Why did you mom shop at Wal-Mart? She had a coupon

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How many filthy niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, because I killed off all the filthy niggers.

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What do Barney and a butchers knife have in common? One of them is purple

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My grandmother has degenerative brain disease, We may need to euthanise her.

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A brachiosaurus walks into a cafe "Excuse me I'm an herbivore, can I have a full English breakfast, but with veggie sausages instead of normal sausages, and mushrooms instead of bacon?" Shop keeper: "No you can't. Your too big. You've destroyed my kitchen, and my livelihood. I have nothing left. You've accidently reduced my business to rubble by walking through the door"

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How do you stop the London riots? - You employ a a highly effective police tactic to diffuse the crisis as quickly as possible.

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Person 1: I'm really sleepy. Person 2: Then go to sleep.

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What is worse than being killed in a car crash? Having your girlfriend in the car with you.

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KANE TUCKER HAS A CHODE THE SIZE OF HIS FINGER NAIL

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What do a tree and I have in common? We would both be mad if we got turned into paper.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Across the street was a strip mall containing a dry cleaners where he had to pick up his suit for his cousins wedding. The wedding caused controversy in the family considering she was jewish. He had a lot to drink and took a cab home, knowing the dangers of drunk driving in todays society. He had a great time.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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Your uncle jack just helped you off a horse. Now it's your turn to help your uncle jack off a horse.

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how do you keep an idiot in suspense. I dont' know he still hasn't told me

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What do you call a group of Mexicans jumping over a fence? I heat of runners trying out for the Mexican Olympic hurdle team.

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what do you do when a blond throws a grenade at you? run

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how do you kill chuck norris? you dont, killing is illegal

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What is small, red all over and gets shorter by the second? A baby cutting its hair with a potato peeler

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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