Why did the horse die? I shot it in the face.

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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What did the the water hose say to the man? Nothing, but the sight of water made the man thirsty and he drank to excess and died from dilution of his blood.

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What do pancakes and Smokie Bear have in common? They both don't have aids

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A whole 'nother.

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A bartender sees Jesus Christ, George Washington, and Adolf Hitler walk into his bar. The bartender is drunk.

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Why did the blonde's parents take away her car? She didn't pay for half the insurance like she said she would.

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josh moran where your Bluetooth gone?

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24

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Roses are red Violets are blue Columbine was funny

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Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was tired of this joke.

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What did the kid with no arms get for his birthday? A sock puppet.

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Your mom is so stupid, she didn't know the answer to 2+5

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Q: How many elephants can fit inside a Volkswagen Beetle? A: Four.

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What do you call a black man with a knife in his hand? A surgeon.

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What's the difference between a pair of slippers and a pair of dead babies? Essentially nothing.

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What did the dog say to the tree? Bark.

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what did the older brother do? put on a joke on anti jokes what did the younger brother do ? give it a minus score what did the older brother do ? tell him and then played gears of war 2 (they got gears 3 but wanted to go bakc in time, not like michael J fox in a car with a crazy doctor but as in play an old game)

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Your muma is so ugly she went to a ugly competition and got kicked out "no pros aloud".

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Why cant the white man dunk? Because he lost his legs in a horrible car accident

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i like going to public parks and watching the kids run and yell because they dont know im using blanks

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a naked man walks into a bar. he is promptly escorted out because you must have shoes and a shirt to be served

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Q. What's big, green, has four legs, fuzzy, and if fell out of a tree would kill you? A. A pool table

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Chuck Norris was so good at karate that he held the middle weight world title for 6 years and was named fighter of the year by Black Belt Magazine. He also used his talents to start a successful acting and advertising career.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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