A man walks into a metal bar He had a swell time.

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What did the 3 month old puppy get for Valentines day? Heart Worms. What'd he get for Christmas? Put down.

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Doctor: I'm gunna try to fit your illness into an everyday, normal conversation. Is that okay? Patient: okay. Doctor: how are you? Patient: fine... Doctor: that's weird.. Because you have AIDS

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Whats the Difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies? A Pile of dead babies is basically useless

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Q: Why didn't Jack go up the hill? A: He had prior engagements.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue I Have Somthing To tell you F*** You

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I man sees a shooting star and makes a wish. Nothing happens as shooting stars are incapable of granting wishes.

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A man walks into a bar holding a magic lamp. The bartender asks "what are you holding?" The man says "It's a magic lamp." The bartender looks at the man and scratches his head. It turns out the bartender has had a problem with lice in his hair. If you believe in a magic genie is going to grant any wishes you're reading the wrong story. Anyways, the bartender buys medicated shampoo and no longer has head lice. The guy with the magic lamp was totally worthless.

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Why is the baby not crying? Because it died of herpes. JUST KIDDING! Babies can't get herpes.

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Mikey : I wan to divorce. Miney :are u funking crazy Mikey : no I'm funking dazy !

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky, It hit one of the random green pipes.

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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what did the Nazi say to the Jew? I hate you

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Q. How do you know when you've had too much too drink? A. Your dead(No because when your dead you can't think.)

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What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gangrape.

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Roses are red They can be white too Violets are not blue They are violet

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Knock Knock Fuck off. I am new here. I do not know anyone here.

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Bob loves Anne. Anne loves Bob. No one cares.

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Q: Whats the deifference between me and you A: The fact that im the beautiful one -RDV

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Why were black people mad about slavery? Because they didn't get paid in gum! Holt9 ;P

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You walk into a shopping centre, what wont you see? Madelin McCann.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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