- Anti Joke

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

a man walks into a bar.... his? drinking problem is seriously affecting his family

what is green and red and goes 100 miles per hour? frog in a blender

how did the kenyan get away from the cop He didnt he got arrested

Q. Why do televisions come with clickers A. So you don't have to get up to change the channel

My friend, who has struggled with a lifelong battle against anorexia, died yesterday..." "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" "Yeah, me too. The car ran the stoplight and it was all over...

Your mommas so fat she jumped into the ocean and immediately had to start swimming.

Your mother is so slutty that she seduced me while I was drunk. I'm so sorry.

Q: What did the horse say to the other horse? A: Nothing, Horses are incapable of making verbal communication therefore they cant speak to each other.

What is the difference between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney? One is President, the other is not.

What did the homeless black guy write on his sign? need money for weed.

Do you want to hear a joke, Women's rights

God, you know after creating humanity and kinda regretting it and stuff, fell into drinking and betting. He found Sin a fellow poker player, and all was good. Until God, drinking a bit too much bet a bit too many of his creds: Son. Jesus: Yes father. God: Uh, I kinda ended up low on cash on the poker game last night and I kinda well... I am gonna be frank here, I bet you and lost. NeroMetal Not dissing the bible, just enjoying the always brighter side of life eh? ;)

How are grapes and squirrels similar? They're both purple. Except for the squirrel.

A polish guy Is sick of being made fun of for his ethnicity, so he decides that he is going to act Italian thinking that no one makes fun of Italians. He stays home for weeks to practice this and one day walks out, up to a store and says"eh, get me some lasagna and zucchini !" the man at the store asks if he's polish.

why do jewish people have big noses? because air is free

A boy in Bible class was poking a girl in front of him with a pencil. Atfer, maybe ten minutes of this, she was asked "Sarah, what did Eve say to Adam after they had had twenty-seven children" The boy poked her with the pencil again. She stood up, and said "I think we have enough kids Adam."

Two Canadian men are sitting in a room. Man 1: Do you know what happens when you shoot a wolverine? Man 2: No. Man 1: It absorbs the bullets, duh. The second man proceeds to go outside with a gun. He returns in a few minutes. Man 1: What did you do with that gun? Man 2: I shot a wolverine. Man 1: What happened? Man 2: It fell over and died. I think you watch too much X-Men.

What did the boy with no arms and legs get for his birthday? Nothing, he doesn't have the ability to open a present.

There is a asian, mexican and a blonde boy at school. Every day they each get the same food for lunch. The asian always got noodles. The mexican a taco. the blonde boy got pb and j. They decide if they get this lunch again, they will jump off a cliff. The next day they get the same lunch and jump off a cliff. At their funeral the asian mom says " if i had known, i would have made her sushi." the mexican mom says " i would have made her a burrito." The blonde's dad say "hey don't look at me, he makes his own lunch."

what did the bus driver say to the black man when he got on the bus? nothing, carl has become very anti-social since his brother died

whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? the pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven. By darragh Hamilton

PS: YOU FUCKING PATHETIC ASSHOLES! DIE IN PAIN GUILT AND SHAME! YOU AND ALL OF THOSE THAT MOCKED ME FOR WANTING TO CREATE WHAT HAS FINALLY BEEN CREATED! (Special thanks to those that gave me a thousand thumbs down and such, I mean at first it was kinda degrading but fun since I posted bullshit on purpose, back when I returned from time to time to see if I had any thumbs ups, then I began enjoying red thumbs as I began expressing my dreams and gathering one follower for every human being that would mock me... ...Today? Today I type whatever the fuck I want, and could not care less for what you fucking humans think about me) Moral: I am superior to you all, and if you disagree with my opinion, you can at least respect it, I on the other hand, have no reason to respect your opinion... YOUR INFERIOR OPINION! If I am a human, then you are worth less than insects... But after being called Satan by my own mother, and called the anti-christ by so many people... ...Yeah, I guess you got to me, I am a fucking Demon, and the opposite of what your Gods offer, is our paradise. There I am gone (I have not returned as I never left) You wont ever hear about the most useless invention again...) Pss: Thanks, I mean it, thanks for nothing... What? You really thought I was grateful? You are nothing but humans, I have nothing for you... I have made more than enough people aware in this world, enough to create a world of my own, which is officially in existence. Ungrateful? Maybe I will one day hunt you humans, beat the shit out of you, torture you mentally, and then have you thank me for enduring all the shit you went trough, ill do it for the prize of your left arm, that is what it cost me, and just like me, you will be tortured by your mother and and father, with the option to take your life ALL of the time. Ironically the blood-loss when my mother cut of my arm was nothing, I mean it was the wounds she caused me by beating me up with it that nearly killed me... And compared to what she and my father did to me, losing that arm was trivial, something I look back at and laugh... Today nothing can break me, nobody can hurt me, and I got nothing to thank but ME! Followers of Neronism: As arrogant as it might sound, sure we made this world of ours together, but if hell if I suffered more than you just to stay alive, and make it happen. I am actually 32 and got about six years left to live because doctors misdiagnosed my diabetes and nearly destroyed the old ticker... ...But yeah, my dream is complete, and if there is a hell, eternal agony by flames is mere humor compared to being tortured until near death only to be left alone until I recover so your own parents can continue... Rinse and repeat, it is harder to live as a one handed guy with in chronic pain everywhere (parents you know...) than one might think, id never take my life, but if the reaper finds me in six years, I wont fight it. With that said Neronists, I will lead you on for what time I got, and have decided to appoint "Eliza" as my successor, and if Neronism one day turns into a bloodthirsty cult, rather than the anti-religious order it is today... ...Then fuck it all, then there was but only one being capable of this... And then I am, was, and will forever be... You know... Someone that had every reason to consider humans disgusting. I also used this section to share my fucked up childhood... In four years I will not only reveal the location of my empire, but also welcome anyone to see what they think of it and perhaps join in... But for now I am done, life is too short for this shit. Nero is done with horsehead network... For now, I do as I please, unless you are one of mine you do not matter, and if you are one of mine, the hell do you mind about me returning from time to time? I am not here to wake up the few followers I found here anymore, my empire is off limits... ...People have asked me why they have not found it, if its on the moon or something... ...I tell them to go fuck themselves, my dream is alive, and I am soon dead, who the hell gives a damn.

In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops