What do you say to a girl with two black eyes? Nothing you haven't already said twice.

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Q. How many trees does it take to change a light bulb? A. Trees can't change light bulbs.

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What did the squirrel say to Justin Bieber? We both enjoy nuts.

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Roses are red Roses are white and I one time saw a purple one

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You're rowing a canoe upstream and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a dog house? None because icecream doesn't have bones.

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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What do you call a cat with 1 eye, 4 legs, and its tongue out? Road kill.

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What is worse than being paralyzed from the neck down Nothing

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Why did the boy jump of the cliff? He was following the others

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Why was the nympho sweating in the park? Because they were having sex on the bench.

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How many apes does it take to put in a light bulb 3

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Knock knock whose there alzheimers alzheimers who get in the van

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A man went skydiving and tragically died.

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A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

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The baby started screaming in the dead of night. It woke up his mother, but his father did not be woken by it. why? Because the father left the mother some time ago, and emigrated to Australia with a new girlfriend, who is incidentially a model, and therefore he could not have heard hs child scream whilst on the other side of the world. His new girlfriend dosen't like him.

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A little girl was curious about where people come from so she asked a very controversial question. Girl goes up to her mother and ask "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Mother replies "Ask daddy." Girl says "Daddy, where do babies come from?" Father replies "Ask the dog." Girl then goes up to her dog and says "Doggy, where do babies come from?" The dog doesn't reply because it's a dog.

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Life is confusing. Really how so? He just walked up to me five minutes ago with a pair of socks taped on both sides of his face saying humanity is screwed and ran off after peeing on my carpet.

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What's funny and old? I really do'nt know

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Why was i sad when 4 black people in a cadillac fell over a cliff. The car blew up...

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Why did the plane to New York not land? It was redirected to Boston because of inclement weather.

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Alzheimer's Alzheimer's who? Knock Knock...

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Why does Obama not want to get buried? because he's still alive

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how do you make a clown sad? you push it off a swing.

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Snape dies. ^ Spoiler Alert tarelona major

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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