Q. How many alzhimers patients dose it take to screw in a light bulb? A. To get to the other side

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Why couldn't the immigrant who was brand new to America hold a conversation with anyone? He was mute.

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TRICERATOPS!

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Why did the little boy let go of his balloon? Because I was raping his face.

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Guy walks into a bar. He orders a drink called "Vampire poison". The bartender gives him the drink. The man drinks it and dies. No he was not a vampire, he was just a man with a history of heart failures.

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Who looks like Justin bieber, and is really cool? Justin Bieber, but I lied about him being cool.

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Knock knock? Who's there? Why don't you answer the damn door and find out for yourself?

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Q: how do u make a fireman cry? A: set his wife on fire

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How many times do you have to make an ass of yourself before you look like a retard and thinking ''random'' means funny? Fuck yourself HAHAHAHAHA seriously stahp

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What would you do if I jumped down your throat when you were talking? That would never happen, as it's impossible to even climb into somebody's mouth.

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How do you kill a baby swinging on a rope attached to a pole at 40 miles an hour? Hit it with a shovel.

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A black guy, a mexican, and an arab are all in the same car, Whos driving the car? The black guy because he politely offered and his friends were happy to ride with him.

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Why did Tim fall out of the window? Well... he didn't exactly fall... I pushed him

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How do you make a white girl commit suicide? Bully her.

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what do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? a stick

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How do you kill a cripple? You bite its fucking face off

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? getting your ball sack ripped off with a grapple hook

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A man takes a bite into a tuna casserole and burns his tounge. He is also a hermaphradite.

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u are so............................................................................................................................................................................................gay

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Periods are red, waffles are blue, some poems rhym, this one doesn't.

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what do you call a man with one leg? whatever his name is.

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A man was wacking it and then his internet went down he then cut off his own balls then his internet came back

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To collect it's AIDS medication.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops