A guy walks into a bar. The second guy ducks.

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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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why did the chicken cross the road? the sudden lack of sidewalk dictated as such.

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what's worse than a dead baby? a pile of dead babies. what's worse than a pile of dead babies? a pile of dead babies with a live one underneath. what's worse than a pile of dead babies with a live one underneath? the live one has to eat it's way out. what's worse than a pile of dead babies with a live one underneath that has to eat it's way out? more dead babies dumped on the already existing pile. what's worse than the giant pile of dead babies with a live one underneath that has to eat it's way out, but there are more dead babies piled on top? this is all in your basement.

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Q: A football coach walks into a bank. Why? A: Because one of his players is suffering from terminal cancer and he needs governmental funding for the team to play the big game against their rivals and to win, in hopes the kid will recover. Q: Why did the football coach go into the bank again? A: To receive more money to find a new running back.

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A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "It's probably not a good idea that your in here, any sudden movements and you could seriously injure somebody. Our beer glasses aren't ergonomically designed for your kind of species. I'm going to have to ask you to leave"

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There is two guys named tard and retard on a boat in shallow water. they both fall off. Who gets back up onto the boat? - Obviously Tard because ur dealing with a retard here.

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How do you scare a black man? You dont

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A Jew walks into a bar and says drinks are on me.

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Why was the man denied access to the college Because he did not have good grades in the past.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He believed pedestrians had the right

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"Is this the Krusty Krab ?" I'M TIRED OF YOUR SHIT TYRONE.

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How do you kill a dumb blonde? Personally, I love stabbing them.

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Whats red, and spins at fast speeds? A baby in a blender

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? That depends on a variety of factors.

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Its over 9000 penises and they're all raping little children!!!!!

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Why was the All-black Basketball team disqualified? Because they all died in a hotel fire.

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What do you call a gay man having sex with a woman? Sex.

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This is the funniest joke in the world: Just joking!

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Why were there only 5,000 Mexicans at the Battle of Alamo? They only had 1250 trucks.

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What's worse than reading? A lot, but there are too many things to name

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Boo Radley, I live next door.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. I don't stalk him on normal days because that is both weird and illegal, thus I cannot come to a conclusion to what he does on opposite day. However, since he is lonely, I hypothesize that he must do something social, since the opposite on that is lonely.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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