"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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What do you call a guy who likes men? Gay

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How many dead guys does it take to build a shed? None. The contractor did it for 40 dollars an hour using maple wood.

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? Because someone threw a canoe at him.

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I like my coffee like i like my women ... With big titys

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1:Your reading my text. 2:Your wondering what the point is. 3:Your getting angry. 5:Your going to click thumbs down. 6:But wait! You didn't realize that there was no number 4. 7:Your checking it. 9:Your smiling. 10:Your smiling so much you forgot to check for number 8. 11:Your checking it. 12:Jokes on you.

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Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I`ve got a car behind me. Don`t worry about that you have aids.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

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NEVER

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What do you call it when you take cheese that isn't yours? Stolen bitch, your under-arrest!

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How would a camel lick its own tongue It doesn't It actually gets karate chopped by Bob Sager.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know ask a second grader.

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One a upon of time there was man named Cinderella. He was so mad because his name was Cinderella. The end.

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A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on suicide The librarian gives him permission and he leaves the library with the book in hand.

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Q: What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? A: I don't have a ferari in my garage.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What's the difference between a Gay Man and a Straight Woman? Anatomy.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The Gestapo.

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Well Here Goes Nothing And nothing happened

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A black man was walking down the street wearing a ski mask. It was cold outside.

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot, you racist.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Does this rag smell Like chloroform to you?

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What's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The holocaust? What's worse than the holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops