Q: Why is Little Johnny in the hospital with a bullet wound and a broken arm? A: I shot him of his bike.

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Knock knock. The door was not answered because, rather than rapping upon the door with his knuckles twice consecutively, Joseph simply said the onomatopoeia verbs vocally. He intended to wish his neighbor and dear friend of twenty years the best of luck with his current situation, as his neighbor had been recently divorced from a marriage of forty-eight years. Joseph then walked home, because intruding upon his friend's privacy would have befuddled him even further.

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Hey I just met you, And this is crazy, I've got dementia, Hey I just met you.

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what`s green and flys a plain i was kidding about the green

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Your mom's so fat that she is going to contract heart disease by age 30.

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What did the deaf man say to the blind man? Probably "Look out for that car," but since he has been deaf since the age of 7, his verbal skills are tenuous at best.

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chickens, roads, horses, bars,roses, violets, sally, knock, knock, fnord

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why couldn't the blind man hear? because he was also deaf.

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Why did the slut suck a dick? Because she's a slut.

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FOX News: Fair and balanced

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Where was the Decoration Of Independence Signed? At the bottom.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. I don't stalk him on normal days because that is both weird and illegal, thus I cannot come to a conclusion to what he does on opposite day. However, since he is lonely, I hypothesize that he must do something social, since the opposite on that is lonely.

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Roses are brown. Violets are brown. Who pooped in my garden?

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Why was the blonde so dumb? She had a severe case of dyslexia, which made it difficult to study.

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What did the bicycle say to the fat kid? Nothing, bikes cant talk.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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an old lady walked into a bar, used the bathroom and left. THE END

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? It doesn't matter, the only chuck that matters is Chuck Norris.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because the monkey has a very weak cerrebellum.

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Whats worse than losing your keys? Your entire family dying in a preventable house fire.

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What's green and gets you high? Marijuana.

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What did the little boy with a terminal illness get for Christmas? A gun

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There were 2 strawberries sitting in a bathtub One strawberry said "Hey can you please pass the soap? The other strawberry replies "WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM A TYPEWRITER??"

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What's worse than getting an erection in church Getting an erection while naked in church

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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