How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles

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steven hawking walks into a bar just kidding he has a horrable disiese preventing him from walking

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What did the lady say after she returned home from the grocery store? "Oh no! I forgot the milk!"

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mirror mirror on the wall who has the most desire of them all? Matt Daly!

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One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man are all on a plane in-flight when the pilot screams over the intercom, "We are two pounds over weight! The plane is going down unless you all throw off useless things that have no value in your countries!" The Chinese man throws out a pair of chopsticks and an egg roll and says, "I have too many of those in my country." The Mexican does the same with a taco and sombrero, repeating, "I have too many of those in my country." The American looks around his items pondering what things are too common in the USA. He locks his eyes on the Mexican. The other passengers are shocked as the American throws off a hamburger and a football.

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"Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from. So, you should probably leave."

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A man walks into an exam room for a doctor's appointment. The doctor proceeds to perform the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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So i was writing a letter to my girlfriend on valentines day right ? So this is how it goes . " hey lisa happy volentines day!" my black friend walks up to me and says" its a mightyfine day out! " The moral of the story is... Tomatoes can't fly planes

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A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office covered only in Saran Wrap. He asks the doctor, "The strip of metal teeth is missing from the box, so could I borrow your scissors?"

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how do you make a cripple depressed? stairs..

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A man walks into a store. He purchases what he was intending to, walks out, and gets on with his day.

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When Chuck Norris plays Modern Warfare 2, he gets more care packages than Haiti did.

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A black, white, Asian, and Mexican are walking down the street. This is showing a good diverse community.

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Two Mexicans were sitting in the back of a car. They were carpooling to save gas.

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What is a hammer? It's not a screwdriver

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Blanket Blanket who? Blanket, son of deceased recording artist Michael Jackson. Ever since his father died there has been so much stress in the family that he could not handle it. He ran away and is now seeking shelter and grief council.

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what kind of pizzas did the twin tower executives order on 9-11? two large "planes"

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Jake pulled out a gun and held it to his head, planning to fool his friends because he knew the gun was empty. Then his friend thought he was helping out his suicidal friend by stabbing him.

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Two men are walking down the street. They both don't make eye contact and continue walking.

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what did the prostitute say to the black man after they had sexual intercourse? I have aids

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A muslim gets on an airplane and takes his seat. The plane lands safely and he enjoys his vacation in Florida.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? Because her grandfather hit her with a wrench.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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