Two men were patients at a mental institution. One was named Dave, the other named John. Dave very quietly said, "Hello, my name is Dave, and I have a violent form of phonophobia, so please do not-" "DICK!" Dave promptly strangled John. John had Tourettes Syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q: Why was it bad to be a black jew during the Holocaust? A: You had to sit at the back of the gas chamber

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Did you hear the one about the flying turtle? No? Okay I'll tell you about it. So one day there was a flying turtle. His name was Larry and he was a turtle that can fly. However, nobody believed that Larry can fly and he wanted to prove it. So the next day George, who was a flying octopus, called Jerry on his cell phone and told him a story about a Larry. Jerry, who was a media reporter, was so offended by his story and called the police. Question: What did the police say? Nothing because it was a made up story

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are chickens violets are pizza this poem makes no sense, Refridgerator

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I woke up in bed with someone this morning. ... Hah.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the cab driver talk about the Holocaust? Because he began to shart his pants while singing pocket full of sunshine as a royal blue pancake swerved across the terrain.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Yo momma's so hairy when you were born you almost died from rug burn.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Did you hear about that creepy guy on Facebook? He was un-friended

thumb_up thumb_down -17

there are seven of us," reply the babies, "now get us a round of bloody marys

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Is it a bird, Is it a plane, I don't know what it is but it's heading straight for the World Trade Centre

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did Batman say to Robin to get in the car? Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q. Which one do you hate more? Jews, Mexicans, or Asians. A. I hate all of them, but jews are annoying when they resist getting stuffed in the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the Farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor?"

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why couldn't the Jew get pregnant? Because he was man.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q: Why couldn't the little girl ride a bike? A: Because she didn't have legs.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Laughter is the best medicine. No, Heroin is.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

what happens when a mexican makes love to an octopus? It makes a freaking weird looking animal

thumb_up thumb_down -17

During a boxing match, a white man faces an Asian. The Asian loses. Next the white man faces a Mexican. The Mexican also loses. Now the white man faces a black man. "Aw screw it!"

thumb_up thumb_down -17

one stop shop

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you get when you pull down your pants in public? Most likely a criminal record for indecent exposure.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why couldn't the blonde do her homework? She had no fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

When is the best time to wear a striped sweater? All the time.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the hose say to the sprinkler? I'm gonna squirt you.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops