Why couldn't the immigrant who was brand new to America hold a conversation with anyone? He was mute.

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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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"Lassie, Lassie, come quick! Timmy is in the well!" "I'm a dog," replies Lassie. "You folks have ropes, ladders, and opposable thumbs. What the hell could I possibly do to help?" With that final act of disobedience, Lassie was turned into fertilizer.

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"What's up?" "A movie about an old man who takes his house to South America by tying balloons to it, who accidentally brings along a young boy with him and they have an adventure."

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Why did the man scream when his dog ran into the room? Because he was afraid of dogs.

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White guy: I figure she's a gold digger, my neighbor. Black guy: Did you say the N word?

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Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I forgot to go to the bathroom

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A man walks into a bar, the bartender goes why do you have a cane? The man goes "I'm blind."

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What did the penguin wearing a blue sweater say to the sink? I am a penguin wearing a blue sweater.

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Your mmma is so stupid when we said the drinks were in the house. She went looking for them!

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A:Knock knock B:Who´s there? A:Beat B:Beat who? A:Beat your ass if you don´t open that door!!

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What do you call a blue bucket? A blue bucket. What do you call a red bucket? A blue bucket in disguise.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Fire extinguisher. Fire extinguisher who? POMEGRANITES.

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A turtle walks into a bar. The bar tender says "what will it be?" the turtle doesnt reply because its a turtle and the bar tender is sent to a mental hospital for talking to turtles.

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A boy and a girl are each granted a wish Girl: I want us to be lovers until the end of the world Boy: I want the world to end

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You can pick your ur nose u can pick ur friends u just can't pick ur friends nose.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Your landlord your being evicted we need you out in 2 weeks.

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yo mama is so dumb, she got all Fs on her report

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There are 2 black guys in a car. Who's driving? The police.

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What is white and shaped like a refrigerator? A refrigerator.

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Q: why does the cat go out of the house by the window A: It doesn't the window is closed

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Asians.

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Why was the student late for class? Because paraplegics can't drive.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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