How do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot.

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a man was beating his wife his wife asks him to stop he says no and continues beating her

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What's worse than finding a hair in lasagna? An earthworm crawling into your ear and feeding on your intestines.

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that :  L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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Your boat breaks down on the highway. How many squirrels does it take to eat a bannana? Squirrels do not eat bannanas but it would probably take a monkey 1.5 milliseconds.

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What's better than winning a gold medal in the Paralympics ? Not being disabled

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what do you call an octopus with 9 tentacles? a male octopus

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Why did the little boy lose his fingers? He was left unattended with a chain saw.

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your mommas so stupid she tried to climb mountain dew well im glad your mom is intrested in trying new things

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Your Mom is so fat, that she went to the doctor's and they told her that she was overweight and needed to get a stomach staple in order to make her lose weight

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If life gives you lemons, You throw them as hard as you can at the nearest stranger. If life gives you melons, You're probably dyslexic.

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Words with two W's or N's in them are awkward and unnecessary.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Fire extinguisher. Fire extinguisher who? POMEGRANITES.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. -Knock Knock. -Who's there? -Not Sally.

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What is worse than going to school? Nothing.

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There's nothing more natural than the coals under the fire...

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Roses are red, Violets are red, OH SHIT MY GARDENS ON FIRE

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What's the worst subject in school? None of them. You need school to get by in life. Get over it.

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What does a grandmas vagina taste like? I don't know -- nor do I want to.

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What was the pirate movie rated? PG-13

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How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

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Knock knock Who's there? To To whom? No, its To Who now, since I married

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Roses are blue, Violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom now...

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What did the wife get her husband after he became a paraplegic in a car accident? Divorce papers.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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