Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm a fish out of water. Help me I'm suffocating.

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So three black men walk into a bank, one of them uses the ATM, they all proceed to the exit after he is done.

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ask me what my temperpedic bed is like. ''whats it like?'' i dont know ive never had one actully.

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A panda walks into a bar, orders some bamboo shoots, and bamboo leaves, and eats them

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You can lead a fool to wisdom, but you can't make him think.

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The motto of those who live in the Bible Belt; "The Bible Belt: Where being obese is 'Genetic' but being homosexual is a 'lifestyle choice'."

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your a vagina says you, your a booby

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A black man, a Mexican man, a Jew, an Asian man, and a white man get into a fight. Who won? Well since their dispute got all the way to a fight, I guess nobody really wins.

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A duck walks into a bar. The bartender asks " What'll You Have" The duck doesn't respond because it's a duck.

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I like my women like bacon. Greasy and full of wrinkels

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What's Green and has four wheels? A green car

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What is the defference between Obama and an American? Obama doesn't have a birth certificate.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender asks "Why the long face?" The horse says nothing because its a horse. It then poops on the floor and leaves

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what's the difference between a pound of liver and vomit? £3.24

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, when the bass droped, my balls did too.

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How many apes does it take to put in a light bulb 3

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What's worse than the holicost? The ninja turtles

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What happened to the boy with no family? He died in a tragic car accident along with his family

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What's the difference between communism and race mixing? Zey come for our blood, but drown in zeir ovn!!!!!

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Mexicans are inferior because! BEECUZ! Listen buddy, to be honest, I get girls every now and then because I am what they all want me to be, myself. You are a great friend as far as I am concerned, and I care a lot about you considering I saw you once like... 13 years ago, but I do not spend an entire night chatting with someone on horsehead network out of all things unless that person means a lot more than sex for me... Hell, if I did not feel that nice about you, I would not even have wanted to, and that sounds really awkward for a guy like me to say, believe me, you wont be losing a friend. AS LONG AS YOU KEEP GIVING IT TO ME! I am joking, but this is who I am (sadly) I have many female friends, and yeah well, some I well you know, I am just not the kind of guy that listens to girls sob stories, and pretend to be their gay best friend, while I watch someone bad ass come and bang her... Nah, I am more like that bad ass banger, except I dont break girls hearts afterwards. Seriously, I am really fond of you, to the point where I will say something guys mostly do not say: If you are feeling pressured into stuff, then dont do it, you wont be losing a friend, I wanna spend an intimate night with you (day, shower, on the breakfast table all that) but thats because I really like you, we have built some intimacy in pretty short time if you ask my opinion... See? Now I am being honest and leaving myself vulnerable, and I do that because I honestly care about you.

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Q.What do you call a friend with benefits? A. a buck fuddy.

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2 * 2 * 2 * 3 * 2417

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What make's a constuction worker drop's his hammer? MC Hammer moves.

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Q: Why did Robin Williams kill himself? A: Because he was jealous of all the attention that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was getting.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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