how do you make jimmy happy you cant he's in a coma

thumb_up thumb_down +18

where do you find a dog with no legs? Korea. It's customary for the guests to get the drumsticks.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you get when you mix hydrochloric acid and a humans digestive track? Death.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q.What's green and smells like grass??? A. Grass

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A princess decided to kiss a frog in the hopes that it would turn into a handsome prince, as she found none of her suitors to her taste. The frog was incredibly poisonous and she died of total organ failure three days later.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What came first, the chicken or the egg? The chicken. The chicken always comes first, that's why the egg never comes at all.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What does an orange and a lemon have in common? They are both orange, exept lemon

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Two strawberries are sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other, "Can you pass the soap?" The other one says, "What do I look like, a typewriter?!"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Question: What is worse then a worm in your apple? Answer: A number of different things I would imagine...

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did Suzy fall off the swing? As Suzy neared the ground while swinging, her foot caught a small hole in the swingset's pebble foundation, and the power of Suzy's momentum along with the sudden stop of Suzy's swing forced Suzy to fly forward off of the swing. Suzy, seeing the silliness of her mistake, laughed it off, and tried to get back up. She quickly realized that her leg had snapped in half. Suzy will never walk again.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? getting your ball sack ripped off with a grapple hook

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Your mom is so nerdy that she probably went to college, got her degree, then found a very successful job in a field that she finds interesting.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

im a policeman the car infront of me had a foot hanging out of the trunk. i pulled him over. i closed the trunk and proceeded to inform him of the dangers of open trunks.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What did the Frenchman say to the Englishman? I don't know, I don't speak French.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was stressed & having alot of financial, mental and physical problems so he crossed the road in hope to kill himself. And he did he got ran over by a car, may his soul rest in peace.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was dead How did the second koala fall out of the tree? it was hit by the first one how did the third koala fall out of the tree? it thought it was a game and jumped off

thumb_up thumb_down +18

so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A wise man once said a journey of a thousand steps starts with one step. The wise man also smoked weed and starved to death in a cave.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you get the neighborhood hoodlums to stop pushing you over in your wheelchair? Brutally murder their families in front of them.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what doesn't kill you makes you crippled for life because you lost use of your legs in a tragic car accident

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How did the mouse die It was eaten by a cat How did the cat die It jumped into the bathtub and drowned

thumb_up thumb_down +16

why did the Chicken Cross the Road? Why must you question a Chicken's motives to Cross the Road?

thumb_up thumb_down +16

2 men walk into a bar, the 3rd man ducks and ask them if they're ok

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Haikus usually make sense, but sometimes they don't refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops