The day after Christmas a chain-smoker, a sex addict, and an alcoholic go to the doctor. The doctor tells the three friends that they need to quit their addiction or they will die. R.I.P. Tommy, Jacob, and Winston 1/1/2011

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How do you make a 6-year-old cry again? Tell him that without further change to the system, he'll end up paying $100,000 for school and then not have a job when he graduates.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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What happened to the Jewish man while he was in the shower? He accidentally fell asleep and was late to his job.

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Why was the little boy sad? Because he just got paralized from the waist down and will never be able to walk again.

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What's black and yellow and flies? I dont know.

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a blonde walks in to a bar, the bar tender gives him a free drink because he's a man and it's nazi germany

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what are you talking about. Nets are terrible. Lakers are going to be the best.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Maybe because it had escaped from the farm and as it doesn't have full conciousness, it couldn't distinguish between grass and the asphalt, so it happened to cross the road.

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Why was the little girl crying Someone therew a dump truck at her

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares

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awkward moment when someone pretends to be Mr. Bear and stuffs up his own joke

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What do we call Osama? Osama

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A man was shot. He died.

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Its over 9000 penises and they're all raping little children!!!!!

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Yo Mama just died.

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So you keep your knowledge sharp do you? When it comes to hypnosis and such?

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How do you keep the crime rate down in a black neighborhood? Blow everybody up all at one time.

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How do you make a kids parents mad? Fly an SR71-BLACKBIRD into him.

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What did the cow say to the dog? Moo

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Why was the drunk person arrested? He said to a police officer "I'm gay, so shut up you b****."

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A blind man walks into a bar. He had a few drinks then went home.

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The Juice where prosecuted by many time.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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