Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

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What's similar between the Alabama Crimson Tide and a maggot? They've both been feeding off of a dead Bear for 30 years...

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whats flat and useless? the walls of an abandoned house where land prices are increasing and properties are in high demand

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What do you get when you skin a potato? A screaming kid with autism and no skin.

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A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to prom. First he goes to get a tux but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he hast to get some flowers so he goes to a florist and there is a huge flower line there. It takes forever but he gets the flowers. Next he heads to get a limo, unfortunately there is a long limo line at the rental office and it takes a long time but he gets the job done. Finally the day of the prom comes and the two are dancing happily and are having a good time. When the song is over she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there is no punchline.

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Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall: "Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!! by darragh hamilton

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Man says, "Hello" Girl, "Do you wanna go out?" Man, "With you?" Girl, "YES!" Man, "NO, bye!"

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Whats funny about alexis? she's really a boy!

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Q:why was steve sad? A:he had an extra penis

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Why can't Helen Keller read? Because she is dead.

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whats the difference between harry potter and a jew? harry potter can escape the chamber

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A dog walks into a bar. He's a service animal, so this is allowed.

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Q: Why did the Mexican mother leave her baby in the hot car during summer? A: Because she was irresponsible and forgetful.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there happened to be road in the vicinity of the fowl and the odds of the bird crossing it is very high.

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Q:Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? A:One less drunk

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roses are red, violets are blue with a face like yours, you belong in a zoo but don't worry, cos I'll be there too not in the cage but laughing at you!

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What happens when a toad is struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

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How do you teach a blond how to cook? You give her a cookbook, a kitchen, and maybe turn Paula Dean's show on.

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A duck walks into a bar and says, "Put it on my bill"

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What has feet, but no legs? An alien.

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What did the traffic light say to the car? Bye.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Violets are not blue They are Violet

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Roses are red,Here's something new ,violets are violets,not ******* blue

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Roses are red, violets are blue; So give me head, or I queue you!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops