How do you get santa to stop delivering presents? Kill your parents.

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2 men walk into a bar, the 3rd man ducks and ask them if they're ok

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How does a person put an elephant in a closet? First they have to open the door, then put the elephant in and close the door. That was easy well how does a person put a giraffe in. You probably said open the door and put the giraffe in and close the door. Well you missed a step first you have to take the elephant out then you can put in the giraffe. Well both animals are to big to fit in a closet so you can't put them in and also the person who put the animals in is schizophrenic and the animals are fake so if you believed that you could fit them in there you might be delusional.

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A fat black guy walks into a pet store and asks if he can have a chicken. The cashier says "what do you want a chicken for?" He says " I need to lose weight so I'm hoping to eat its all natural eggs" So the cashier gives him the chicken and the fat black guy lost 50 pounds.

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Q:How many dead babies fit in a bathtub? A:It depends on the bathtub, but if all of them were the same size, babies also differ in size and sometimes shape. If all bathtubs and babies are the same, the number would be 1, because every baby will be as big as the bathtub.

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Attack her with a sanding machine.

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Why did the black man kill himself? Because he had a very serious case of depression brought on by his recent divorce

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Why couldn't the little seven year old girl paint her finger nails? She fell in front of a train.

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what did the lion tell the jellyfish? nothing, both lions and jellyfishes cant talk, and even if they could the chances of a lion meeting a jellyfish are remote

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Roses are red Violets are blue Sunflowers are yellow And daisies can be a wide variety of colours.

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Q:what did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? other person: What? A:how am i suppose to know I'm not a lawyer.

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Knock Knock. Doors open

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A jumpercable walks in the bar the bartender says ill get you something but dont start anything.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side.

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Why did a black person beat a white person in a race? The white person was hindered because a polar bear was biting their leg the entire time.

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You sick fiend

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What shouldn't you say to a dementia patient? You already said that.

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That Rachael chick needs to get back in the kitchen

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Whats the best part about having sex with 25 year olds? There 20 of them.

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What’s spotty, has three legs and is green all over? …well?

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How did the man with no legs get around? He was assisted by a nurse or relative who was kind enough to take on such a task.

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Your mom came to my house last night. We played chess.

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What was the black woman doing in the kitchen? She was simply washing her hands after eating dinner.

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What was John Lennon's last hit? The pavement.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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